What would you like to do?
- Women stay in abusive relationships for a variety of reasons, it is never that simple. They may believe that they can work through issues with their partner and the abuse will diminish. It is never easy to leave someone when the heart is entangled, just because there is abuse doesn't mean there is not love. There may be a fear of being 'alone', but it is not usually just that that keeps them. Victims of abuse often suffer from high levels of insecurity and low self-confidence which makes it easy for them to be convinced by the abuser that they are at fault for their abusive behaviour. So, often the woman may feel that if she changes her behaviour then the abuse will stop. It can become a cycle that becomes more and more abusive over time and leaves the woman feeling so hopeless that she begins to accept her partners abusive behaviour.
- Yes, and it also depends on the culture of the woman. In some culture women are not "allowed" or afraid to leave, it could be so that they don't bring shame to their family...a lot of times they stay for "the kids" not realizing that they do more harm to their children when they stay in an abusive relationship. Abusers also chose women that have issues, like insecurity thus making it easier for them to control the victim. Also, in this day in age, the victim is no longer just a woman, it can be a man, in the gay/lesbian community, transgender community. Rich or poor, educated or not, violence exists and I think the cycle can be broken if the children can be taken out of the violent situation in time so that their generation has a chance to make better choices and live different lives.
Was this answer useful?
Thanks for the feedback!
People, particularly women, remain in an abusive household for a variety of reasons: economic, parental (to protect the children), and psychological. But the objective obstacl…es facing the battered spouse cannot be overstated. The abuser treats his spouse as an object, an extension of himself, devoid of a separate existence and denuded of distinct needs. Thus, typically, the couple's assets are in his name, from real estate to medical insurance policies. The victim has no family or friends because her abusive partner or husband frowns on her initial independence and regards it as a threat. By intimidating, cajoling, charming, and making false promises, the abuser isolates his prey from the rest of society and, thus, makes her dependence on him total. She is often also denied the option to study and acquire marketable skills or augment them. Abandoning the abusive spouse frequently leads to a prolonged period of destitution and peregrination. Custody is usually denied to parents without a permanent address, a job, income security, and, therefore, stability. Thus, the victim stands to lose not only her mate and nest, but also her offspring. There is the added menace of violent retribution by the abuser or his proxies coupled with emphatic contrition on his part and a protracted and irresistible "charm offensive". Gradually, she is convinced to put up with her spouse's cruelty in order to avoid this harrowing predicament. But there is more to an abusive dyad than mere pecuniary convenience. The abuser stealthily, but unfailingly, exploits the vulnerabilities in the psychological makeup of his victim. The abused party may have low self-esteem, a fluctuating sense of self-worth, primitive defense mechanisms, phobias, mental health problems, a disability, a history of failure, or a tendency to blame herself or feel inadequate (autoplastic neurosis). She may have come from an abusive family or environment, which conditioned her to expect abuse as inevitable and "normal". In extreme and rare cases, the victim is a masochist, possessed of an urge to seek ill-treatment and pain. The abuser may be functional or dysfunctional, a pillar of society, or a peripatetic con artist, rich or poor, young or old. There is no universally-applicable profile of the "typical abuser". Yet, abusive behavior often indicates serious underlying psychopathologies. Absent empathy, the abuser perceives the abused spouse only dimly and partly, as one would an inanimate source of frustration. The abuser, in his mind, interacts only with himself and with "introjects," representations of outside objects, such as his victims. Answer Some women, A LOT of women, get addicted to abuse. It is just like anything else. It is a cycle of violence. They feel like they can love the abuser like no other and it will change that person. They believe it will make them better. That is a delusion, and that delusion kills. Women tend to want to "fix" things. We want to mother them and make them do better. Its the instinct in us to be the momma. Answer There are a lot of reasons why women stay in abusive relationships. I stayed because it wasn't all bad. If it was all bad, no one would stay. When he wasn't blowing up on me, he was very loving. But I recognized the abuse, and got out. I tried to save it the best I could, but he needs to want help to get helped. Other reasons why women would stay could be that the abuse is familiar to them, and they fear change because they're not used to not being abused. Many women that stay for this reason could have been brought up in an abusive environment, or had previous abusive partners/are co-dependant. Other women stay because the love the abuser has for them is so strong that they believe they're the only ones that can change them, and others are in denial that abuse is even taking place. Still others may stay because the abuser threatens her life, the lives of their children, or his own life. It's tricky, and always painful. Answer The most common reason why women stay in abusive relationships is because they are scared. Most don't say anything to anybody. Most women feel insecure and unprotected. When I was in the 7th grade my best friend was in an abusive relationship and it cost her her life. I was there. Her boyfriend kept beating her up until one day. He just kicked her and punched her so much that she died in the hospital. Answer The Cycle of Violence is the main reason. 1) Honeymoon Stage: apologies, romance, pursuing 2) Tension Stage: nitpicking, abuser gathers his defense to stroke later emotional and or physically. Complains a lot, feels like you are walking on eggshells. Calm before the storm feeling. 3)Explosion Stage: Abuser feels justified and ready to give you your punishment. Lets loose, cold, angry, mean, distant. This cycle repeats itself over and over. The victim holds onto hope with each cycle. She has little time to really gain perspective on her situation when she is waiting for the other shoe to drop. She lives in survival mode. Answer Simple, they are either in love, scared, or feel compelled to give chances again and again. Answer They stay in them because they are most likely scared to get out. they feel that if they try and leave that this person will try and hurt them even more. also, sometimes they stay in them because they don't know any better. they have never been in a relationship that is good so they have nothing to compare it to, some women believe that it's as good as it gets. Answer Because they think they deserve to be treated like crap and they have no self esteem! Even when they have friends and family that have helped them to start over and have another chance, some still would rather talk to their abuser rather than take a big girl pill and do it on their own. When given an opportunity, they would rather take free easy money from an abuser. Answer I was in a abusive relation ship for 4 years. Its very hard to know that there is a problem in the first place. It feels like its "normal." I don't come from an abusive home, and no its not normal, I just got "tied" into it. It's very, very hard to realize its not okay. He took me away from my friends and family. Well, I should say he assisted me into growing distant from them. He was very sweet at first. Then it started with a simple scream, then a punch into the wall, then a shove, then a slap and then a black eye. That's when i had enough! I put a stop to it and left. I'm still not fully recovered from it. I guess I thought I could help him change to a better person. All I seen in him was what could of been not what was at that point. Additional insights Perhaps some are vulnerable to abuse because of a need to control others. If a woman's self-esteem is damaged or built on an unfounded basis, she may look to broken men so she can change them and gain an ego boost. The more broken they seem, according to her own beliefs, the greater the ego boost. Often, the men have their ego tied to what she considers brokenness. So each try to control the other, where she tries to fix him to gain control over him, and he feels threatened and stays "broken" as a means to control her. Excessively high standards or needing others to do things your way can actually make you vulnerable to abuse as you feel a need to try to seek out people to force your way of being onto. But it doesn't work because the other person wants to be as they already are. Despite their stories, they had a mother, and they likely had other partners, so what would make you any more special or successful? The thing about human nature is that people are most likely to change if they are allowed to fall on their own, hit rock bottom, and be forced by situations to change, with nobody in the way.
Here are some of the most common reasons. 1. Because they fear what will happen if or when they leave theabusive other. 2. Because they believe that in time that person will… change andthings will get better. 3. They think that something is wrong with themselves and that ifthey change things will get better that way. 4. They think that the person who abuses them just loves them alotand don't really mean to do any harm they just cant help it. The fact is if they truly love you they will get help forthemselves and make themselves better for you. Theres nothing wrongwith you its him or in some cases her. Something you could do ifyou want them to change is bring a friend over that you can staywith. The three of you sit down and talk, tell him/her what needsto change if he/she really wants to be with you then they willchange. Then leave and go stay with that friend. Him/her sayingthey have changed and coming to you and saying this 3 days fromwhen you left is false. They cant change that quick. Make them goto counciling and make sure you know they went. Talk to thecouncilor and see if he/she has made any progress. There no trueway to tell if they have changed or not until you give them asecond chance. Some people just arnt willing to take that risk.Because to be honest there is always the chance , that when you goback it gets worse because of what you did. There is also thechance that he/she has changed and it is going to be really good.Its a 70/30. . . . .good luck! Answer2: Why are so many women locked into such dangerousrelationships? Many people wonder: Why don't they seek help? Whydon't they leave? The answer, in most cases, is fear. Fear has beencalled the distinguishing feature of domestic violence. Abusive mentypically control their wives with violence and then silence themwith death threats. Even if the battered wife does find the courageto seek help, she may not always receive it. This is a tendency,even among people who abhor other forms of violence, to trivialize,ignore, or justify violence perpetrated by husbands. Also, outsidehis home the abusive husband may appear to be charming. Oftenfriends cannot believe that he beats his wife. Disbelieved and withnowhere to run, many abused wives feel that they have noalternative but to live in constant fear. Battered women who doleave sometimes becomes victims of stalking. Imagine their fear.Someone who has threatened you continues to turn up where you go.He phones you, follows you, watches you and waits for you. He mayeven kill your pet. It is a campaign of terror. (excerpt from 8/8/05 Awake "Why Do So Many Live in Fear onJehovah's Witnesses official website.)
Answer it takes alot of courage to speak out and speak up. As a former victim of abuse I know that you blame yourself and do not want to destroy the family. B…ut truth is, HE IS THE ADULT AND HE IS ACTING WRONG. not you! You are a beautiful and precious child of God! the department of children and families was invented to help people like you. If you can't verbally say the words, write them and give them to a doctor or nurse. They are obligated by law to help you and to ensure your safety. It may mean mving to a teen group home or a foster family but you need to be safe. It may mean your father will be shamed and take counseling and stop. Either way, you will be safe and need counseling in order to be able to have a normal sex life when you grow up. Please tell a doctor or nurse so they can help you. I pray for your safety. Joymaker RN
How do handle the fear of being alone and never meeting someone Evan after your abusive relationship ended a year ago?
Answer Answer This may seem real to you, but if you get balance into your life and do not just stay home, you will meet others. Remember Fear = False Eviden…ce Appearing Real.
Answer Yes there have been lots of documented cases where women would deny or choose to be ignorant (knowing something is wrong but choosing not to find out) of a… situation where the children are being abused. In the last case i read about this type of behavior, the mother got herself a night job while the father and grand-father abused the daughter. She knew about the abuse but decided to ignore it.
yes.. look into the domestic violence literature on something like PSYCHINFO through a library
What is the percentage of women that stay in abusive relationships because of their fear of being alone?
Answer There are no stats kept on this subject so there is NO way to answer your question.
The fear of being alone is monophobia
I would be considered by most to be an upper-middle class woman. I own a home, make over 100K a year, have stock investments and a 401K, many friends i can call at all h…ours of the night, and have the money/means to do pretty much whatever i want. By outside eyes, i have it together. I have been very careful about getting into relationships due to my children. But now that they are older, I had finally met someone who i wanted to have a relationship with.. and we have for the past year. He is a wonderful man to me. I thought we had a good relationship. He is retired, living on a fixed income, with much less cash than i had. I wasn't dating him for money.. to be honest i was dating him for the feeling of being close to someone.... he is the only man i know who made me feel like safe enough to be vulnerable. BUT, he drinks. He drinks for the sexual high, he says. He started early in our relationship, getting pushy and sensitive when he was drunk.. saying i did not have time for him or treat him like an equal or appreciate what i did for him... and he was very pushy about my having sex with him whenever/however he wanted when he was drunk. This might mean i leave work early, this might mean i leave home and drive to his place... this might mean i go out and buy another bottle of wine at 7:00 a.m. when the stores starting selling wine. And I stayed for over a year... negotiating, working through deals "ok, drink but only 6 hours, not 2 days", crying, acting like the low-class trash we were becoming together. Wealth has nothing to do with it. I stayed because I felt so safe with the sober him... he was going to take care of me, he was stronger than me, he knew stuff i did'nt know. I felt like a woman, a cared for, when i was with him. That is seductive to someone who still feels like a little girl inside. Your income has nothing to do with who you really are. And you stay in these relationships, you bargain with your soul, because of who you are and what your weaknesses are... not because you do or do not need money.
according to surveys and newspapers approximatly an average of 72 women die from abusive relationships and rape.
They're afraid of what they're husbands/boyfriends will do to them or their friends/family if they leave.
Men also but just it's more acute in women than men. This is totally the opposite of what the world is telling us..... God created woman and the characteristics she's …possesses are many. Women have a need desire which God put in them and one of those things is to be a woman, have a together role in her life. Leaving mom and dad and clinging to her husband. It's that total package. The same reason we all need mothers because father for the most part, ME ABSOLUTELY INCLUDED, can't deal with the screaming and crying of babies.
Woman always try to give excuses in order to stay in an abusive relationship. If your in an abusive relationship then get out of one. It does not matter if you love them if th…ey are hitting you they don't love you. There is no reason for a woman to stay in a abusive relationship. If they are abusive then they are blinded.
None they interpret fear or Stockholm Syndrome or Traumatic Bonding or guilt as "love." It isn't any of those.
The victim of abuse in a relationship often starts to feel the relationship is not right, but develops a futile and unhealthy hope and wish for it to become right. They have t…rouble acting on rational reality because their judgment to act in the interests of their own emotional health becomes infringed by the emotional intimacy inherent in every relationship (abusive or healthy). This wiki-answerer's belief is that the battered wife syndrome is pretty much the same emotional attachment every person in a relationship feels, the weirdness one feels in never having felt that way before and the way it changes a person's thoughts and actions ... but in an abusive relationship, the behavior of the other person and the unhealthy failing of the relationship twist that attachment to the other person. It is not a personal failing nor weakness on the part of the abuse victim. They are made emotionally unhealthy because the are emotionally attached to another person in an unhealthy relationship; they did not choose for the other person to abuse them and thus have absolutely no responsibility for the ill consequences to themselves that result.
It really goes past just finaces..the first thing abusers do is control a person envrioment,ie..stop contact of family,friends.they will make a person feel no self worth..its …part of the abuse cycle. They beat them,and the victim is now convinced no one is there,they feel they"deserve it,and no one loves them or cares" abusers are master's of maniuplation. It is very hard to understand all types of abuse that victims go through,its not just physical. The best thing for an outsider of this realtionship is just to say you care,and find resourses for the victim..dont confront the abuser the victim will be hurt more...