How can you explain to your children about an alcoholic family member without scaring or alienating them from said family member?

Answer 1

Explain that he is sick and that it is not the sort of sickness you can go to the doctor and get a pill for. It is also a habit that is hard to break like biting your nails. And that the symptoms include badly organised priorities. Children understand priorities, even if they don't know the word. You can have them prioritize the things in their life by asking which things are more or less important. Is family or cookies more important? Friends or TV? Why? And explain that grandfather's illness makes it hard for him to know the right answers to those questions. That should ellicit a compassionate response. It will also lay the blame squarely on grandfather's shoulders. And while explaining it it may help you realise that however wrong your father's actions are he lives an impoverished existence where he doesn't know the joy of valueing human relationships over intoxication. Good for you for trying to help your children have as healthy as possible a relationship with your father. Al-Anon may be able to help as well for you and for your children when they get older Alateen can be helpful. Check the yellow pages. Alienating kids from overt alcoholic behavior is a good thing. If the fact that the behavior is attached to a person results in the kids becoming alienated from the alcoholic, that's not a bad thing. Placing kids in an environment where there is a practicing alcoholic is a negative, counter-productive, unhealthy thing. If it's a parent who is the drunk, it's not always possible to keep them away from the boozer. However, to even be concerned about kids having a "relationship" with an alcoholic is preposterous. It's your job to keep them as safe as possible, and encouraging a relationship like this does not promote safety, much less a "healthy" relationship. Tell grampa to put the cork in the jug, or stay home. The kids don't need him if he's drunk.