How can you help your best friend who is being abused without ruining the friendship?

Answer 1

Being in an abusive relationship myself and many people telling me I needed to get out and that this man was no good...didn't help me. As a matter of fact, it further my stay, even though I knew I wasn't going to have a stable relationship with him. What I needed was someone to listen to me "drop hints of help" even though I knew it was all dependant upon myself to leave. The abused has a lack of self esteem, self confidence and now a warped sense of reality. The abused question EVERYTHING because what they once knew as themself is apparently gone and they don't know how it disappeared. You must just listen, not give your opinions and let the abused lead the conversation. They will eventually call on you for help if they firmly believe they have an established trust with you. God Bless

You certainly are a wonderful friend to leave this message on the board.

Before I go on, never let your friend know you have left this question on any board. No one wants their dirty laundry out on the line for all to see even though you were smart enough not to leave a name. It's always wise to get other's opinions and what better way to do it safely than on a board of strangers. Discussing this problem with other friends you know would not be a good idea.

Tread very carefully. Be sure it is abuse. Because two people argue off and on it is not necessarily abuse, but if your friend has injuries from physical abuse then as a friend you must take the chance of helping the best you can and perhaps ruining your friendship.

Tough love always comes in handy. Take your friend aside and tell them what is in your heart. Don't put down your friend at all, but say something like, "I don't like the way Bill (or Betty) treats you and it hurts me to see you this way. I love and care for you as a friend, I'm always here to help, but you have to try to get away from this, and if not, as a friend I can't sit by and see you treated like this." This statement will tell you a lot. Your friend will either come clean and tell you all or get somewhat angry. If your friend becomes angry back off! Also remember, when you get involved with someone else's abusive relationship you could be in danger as well (depends how bad it is.)

The old saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but can't make them drink" is so true. If your friends wants to remain in this abusive relationship there is not much you can do, but just be a good friend and offer them shelter if and when they need it. However, please understand that a person in an abusive relationship that can't or won't help themselves can drain another friend of all energy. Good luck Marcy

It is a difficult balancing act. Victims often resent being told that they are victims because they are emotionally and/or financially invested in the relationship. As a friend, make clear to her that you stand by her and that she has your support.