If the abuser feels sorry for his actions and is ready to let you go should you give him one more chance?

Answer 1

Absolutely not! How many times does one need to be kicked in the chin?(figuratively speaking) I mean it is admirable that he/she is sorry, but that does not excuse what he has done. If he/she is ready to move on, then let them go. This person needs counseling, ie; professional help, and can not offer anyone anything of himself until he or she is happy with just themselves. In other words, you can't love someone else if you don't have love for yourself.

AnswerHey Thanx for answering my question.My husband has been feeling sorry for his action.Its not the first time though.But the thing is in the past he would beg me to take him back( the house being mine) but somehow this time he is saying that he is really ashamed of his deeds and wouldn't want to return as he wishes happiness for me.Honestly, I am not sure if he really means what he is saying.It could be one of his ways to melt me and see the good side of him.I don't know, I am confused.It will be really helpful if anyone can tell me as to should I continue to communicate with him or should take a stand and end the relationship? I appreciate your answer and I am sure it will make me see things from a different perspective. AnswerI know it is tempting to take him back but, please don't. I had my ex-husband abuse me mentally and verbally every two weeks and say that he is sorry. During the "HONEYMOON" phase and what I mean by honeymoon phase is that it is like a cycle. They butter you up and make you think they are the greatest person on this earth and that they are human and make mistakes but, it is an act. I can truly attest to this because, it is still happening to me as I am still dealing with my ex-husband and getting all of the free trips from him and all. I have made the decision to not deal with him anymore because, I have figured him game out. He bribes me with money and gifts and I have fell into this trap for a long time and I am not going to take it anymore. So, overall please get out while it is safe because, it will only get worse. Good Luck!!! AnswerStalkers and the Borderline Personality

The Borderline Personality

In recent years psychologists have learned about and done case studies on a new personality disorder which the DSM-III-R classifies as an Axis II disorder- the Borderline Personality . This classification includes such personality disorders as the Anti-social Personality, the Histrionic Personality and the Narcissistic Personality. Several psychologists (including myself) diagonosed my stalker as afflicted with the Borderline Personality. Characteristic of the Borderline (derived from research done by Kreisman & Straus, 1989) are:

a shaky sense of identity

sudden, violent outbursts

oversensitivity to real or imagined rejection

brief, turbulent love affairs

frequent periods of intense depression

eating disorders, drug abuse, and other self-destructive tendencies

an irrational fear of abandonment and an inability to be alone

Not much research has been done on the Borderline Personality, and for many years it was difficult to diagnose- and to treat. A Borderline often feels as though his/her life is marked with a distinctive emptiness; a void in which a relationship often acts to fill. Many times the Borderline is a victim of an early dysfunctional family situation and/or emotional/physical abuse by those he/she trusted early on in childhood.

The Borderline is psychotic , in the original, psychological meaning of the term: he/she is not in control and not in touch with reality. To the Borderline, a softly spoken word of advice can be construed as a threat on his/her emotional stability. An outsider's viewpoint that the Borderline is not in touch with reality often ends in a bitter and irrational dissassociation from the outsider on the part of the Borderline. Often, the Borderline ends up very much alone and victim to his/her disillusions.

The Borderline stalker is very apt to see his/her actions as perfectly justified; he/she has paranoid disillusions which support these-often with disturbing frequency. The Borderline often has brief love affairs which end abruptly, turbulently and leave the Borderline with enhanced feelings of self-hatred, self-doubt and a fear that is not often experienced by rational people. When the Borderline's relationships turn sour, the Borderline often begins to, at first, harass the estranged partner with unnecessary apologies and/or apologetic behavior (i.e. letters of apology 'from the heart', flowers delivered at one's place of employment, early morning weeping phonecalls, etc.). However, the Borderline does not construe his/her behavior as harassment- to the Borderline he/she is being 'responsible' for his/her past behaviors.

The next phase of the Borderline Personality develops relatively quickly and soon he/she feels suddenly betrayed, hurt, etc. and seeks to victimize the estranged partner in any way he/she can Strangely enough, this deleterious behavior is always coupled with a need to be near or in constant contact with the estranged partner . While sending threats to the estranged partner, it is very common for the Borderline to begin to stalk his/her estranged partner in an effort to maintain contact. This effort is motivated by the excruciating fear that the Borderline will end up alone and anger that [the estranged partner] has put him/her in this position. We are finding, in many cases, that a great deal of stalking behavior is associated with Borderline or related personality disorders. Earlier research did not incorporate the Borderline Personality in stalking profiles; research now is beginning to focus on the Borderline in such disorders as Erotomania, etc.