Is infidelity a justified cause for abuse?

Answer 1

Infidelity doesn't cause abuse...it causes a reaction.

Then the question is whether that reaction is appropriate or not.

Personally I would say that as an "out of character" reaction to infidelity a certain amount of once-off violence could be understood and forgiven, if it happened though it would still be wrong, just as wrong as the infidelity. Which, after all is a terrible betrayal.

But note that important phrase "out of character"...

It seems to me that violence is far from being out of character for your partner, and more like his answer to everything.

THAT is wrong, and will always be wrong...and that is about HIM, not about anything you do, or do not do...

AnswerNothing justifies abuse, period. Alas, abuse is often a learned reaction and an acquired behavior. It is condoned by certain societies and cultures and considered a justified reaction to be expected and encouraged. AnswerAny excuse used for abuse is just that--an excuse. You need to end this relationship right now and focus on your life. This man not only lied to you about his marital status, he also is attempting to control you by accusing you of affairs.

The fact that you had an affair, while not the best action, does not give him any right to threaten or abuse you. If anything, the fact that he "caught" you cheating will increase his paranoia and control over your behavior--to him you are now a "bad" woman who doesn't deserve to be treated with respect. Had he respected you in the first place, he would have told you he was married.

AnswerViolence is always a reaction to a perceived insult. This relationship does not appear to be important to you or your partner otherwise you may have consulted with a relationship counselor or otherwise. Having myself been involved in an relationship after leaving a marriage. I procrastinated greatly about divorcing and this had nothing to do with how qualified or how much I loved my next partner. This had more to do with grieving a loss. Many people do not take the time to heal from a broken relationship before launching into another to fill the gap. This needs to approached with patience and understanding. It has to do with your partner having a low self esteem and fearing rejection. No doubt your infidelity did not improve his situation. The bond of sexuality is something that is terribly misunderstood in our western society. However, for brevity I will only say that it is deeply spiritual and it the last barrier between you and some other being for deep connection. You bcome intertwined in your souls. By inviting someonelse to become a part of that brings another force into the mix. Your partner was probably feeling pretty bad for not getting his divorce completed on time. Especially if he went out and bought you a ring. I'm sorry that what you did probably will have have devasting effect on the relationship. However there is forgiveness, grace and mercy out there. You have to make this a part of the mix. If it isn't it is probably over. AnswerNo. It is the cause for the end of a relationship, but it is not a cause for abuse. AnswerAbsolutely not! There is no excuse for abuse. If you have cheated and obviously have hurt the person there is a simple remedy besides abuse ... move on! AnswerNO WAY! The best solution to your problems is to leave, and never come back. I have been there, and done that! My husband was already an abuser, but when I suspected him of cheating, he really went off on me! That ended our relationship, he kept tracking our children and I down, but I stood my ground. I finally (after 3 years) am in a happy relationship with a wonderful man that had 4 children already before I met him, I had 2, and we now have 2 together, in which he is a wonderful father to all of them. My puzzle was pieced back together perfectly, and although we've had our troubled times, we are deeply in love with each other, and we wouldn't have our lives be any other way. He was definitely my life saver! So, my suggestion for you would be to be strong if that's what you really choose to do, because there is happiness out there for you! Everyone deserves happiness! AnswerHow an "abuser" justifies abuse is non issue.