What would you like to do?
Is it common after leaving the abusive relationship to be in denial about the fact that you were actually treated that badly and constantly question whether or not these things both mentally and physically happened to you?
Review the warning signs and decide for yourself. A mentally abusive relationship caused two 'feelings' in me. I reacted with confusion to a pattern of speech t…hat my abuser would use. The purpose of the mental abuse is to instill self doubt in you and then you are easier to control. The second re-action I had was a type of emotional numbness. This came after a period of crazy making verbal abuse. If you feel confused around your abuser and then notice a numbness that is a good clue that your are bing mentally manipulated.
Answer . All hell breaks loose! An abuser wants constant control in order to control the environment around them (they feel safer.) Putting two abusers together is one gi…ant tug-of-war not to mention being dangerous is a bad idea. Both parties should seek psychological help for their abuse problems.\n. \nMarcy
What should you do if you're in an emotionally abusive relationship on and off again for 4 years and you keep coming back but you're not strong enough to leave because of your mental state?
Answer It's one of the hardest choices and things you'd ever do, but believe me it have to be done. your gonna have to leave your abuser because if he does…n't get help and admit what he's doing to you he's gonna keep doing it.
If your husband treats you like a child and tells you things like not to leave the sponge in the sink is he being controlling manipulative or abusive?
Answer . \nHe sounds like either he's a "neat freak" and a complainer (just like the movie "The Odd Couple" where one is as neat as a pin and the other a slob) or, he's a …perfectionist and everything has it's place. \n. \nWhen someone is truly mentally abusive they are constantly putting you down by calling you stupid, crude words, telling you, you aren't good at anything and if it weren't for them you wouldn't even exist. \n. \nPeople that nag about someone else being neat are not abusive, but just extremely neat and like things in their place. If you think he's being too picky then communicate this fact to him and if he tell you about the sponge again say something like "well, you saw it, why didn't you put it back?" Of course these are fighting words. It's just easier to be a little neater. However, everything doesn't need to be in it's place all the time and tell your husband to lighten up a little. \n. \nMarcy
That is a hard question and not the easiest thing to deal with, esspecially if your friend thinks it is their fault or that things are not that bad. Talk to them let them hear… your concerns. Be adult about it, and avoid making them feel like you are just bashing on the significant other, they can retaliate. Sometimes you can suggest that you watch a movie involving some of the things they are going through. Enough with Jennifer Lopez is a good one. That can help them see it from another persons perspective as being a bystandard and not the one with all the emotional blindness.Make sure you are also understanding, by being demanding that they listen never helps, and the more upset you get twards them the more they are going to defend the other person. Remember you can't make them, but maybe by you coming forward it will give them someone to lean on during the separation. Just to know someone is there to listen can change everything. You cant convince them. Give her Lundy Bancrofts book, "Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men." Let her read the book in peace. Dont grill her or tell her she "should" anything. Let her gather her own strength and make up her own mind. Tell her her positive qualities and encourage her to make the right decision but do NOT try and control the outcome. Shes had enough control. She will appreciate any advice from you more if you are supportive and not bossy or talking down to her. Best wishes.
Is it possible or common for both people in a relationship to be abusive like a perpetuating cycle and is there any hope for a healthy relationship?
There is hope !! Only if both parties are willing to get help and work through their issues. I know a couple that did, but it takes *a lot* of work. Yet, if you…r not willing to my advice would be to walk away, because no one deserves to live a life of abuse. Answer Yes it's possible for two people to both be abusive. It's called "an adrenalin rush." Each person eggs the other on and the sad thing is, it's not really about winning, but just the sport of humiliating someone. One partner can be abusive and the victim that has to put up with it can also pick up the habits of abuse. For example: A woman can be abused by her husband and in turn it's possible she can abuse her own children. Part of it is the feeling she has lost total control and doesn't know how to get out of the situation, but she can take those frustrations out on the children because she knows she has control and they don't. Not all abused women pick on their children. No, there is little hope of both parties sticking together if they are both abusive. It's like one alcoholic helping another and I'm talking about someone who has kicked the alcohol habit. Two emotionally abused people just can't help each other and stats show that abusive people seldom get help for their problems.
What should you do if your husband only threatens you physically when you threaten to leave him otherwise he constantly talks about how much he loves you yet he has ruined you both financially?
It seems to me that he is a controlling person and when you threaten to leave him he doesn't know how to handle it and threatens with physical abuse. Eventhough he is a …minister, if he was a man of God he would NEVER EVER threaten you physically. You should get couple's counciling or if it pass the stage where it can work out then run to a safe home. Answer Verbal abuse and threats can quickly escalate. Right now, they seem to be on just one subject. However, it sounds like you cannot really talk to him about anything because of this issue. Keeping your "cards close to your chest" you need to arrange to leave him. There are a number of ways to set up your life so that he cannot control you, but it is best to be doing so from a safe house (avoid close relatives' homes in the same town). They can give you advice as to how to do this. I did it some years ago, never went back and all's well. Friends and advisors made it possible, but I made sure to do as they advised.
Physical abuse is one or more episodes of aggressive behavior, usually resulting in physical injury with possible damage to internal organs, sense organs, the central nervous …system, or the musculoskeletal system of another person (Mosby's Medical Dictionary, 8th edition. © 2009, Elsevier). Verbal abuse is the use of language to manipulate, control, ridicule, insult, humiliate, belittle, vilify, and show disrespect and disdain to another, and is often a component of other types of abuse (http://www.nemasys.com/ghostwolf/Resources/abusedef.shtml#verbal). Sexual abuse is defined as; 1. The forcing of unwanted sexual activity by one person on another, as by the use of threats or coercion. 2. Sexual activity that is deemed improper or harmful, as between an adult and a minor or with a person of diminished mental capacity. (The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company). Mental abuse, also called psychological abuse is defined by Health Canada as motivated by urges for "power and control", and defines emotional abuse as including rejecting, degrading, terrorizing, isolating, corrupting/exploiting and "denying emotional responsiveness" as characteristic of emotional abuse (www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/ncfv-cnivf/familyviolence/pdfs/emotion.pdf). PHYSICAL ABUSE is when one partner punches, hits, pushes the person hard, throws them down stairs, causes broken bones, bruising, black eyes, missing teeth or waves a knife, gun or any object that they may use to harm their mate. IT IS NOT physical abuse if one gets into an argument and they tussle a little on the bed and break out laughing, or, if one may SLIGHTLY push the other person. This is a human reaction, but if it's hard enough to push the person off balance or do them hard that IS physical abuse. MENTAL ABUSE is when one partner demeans, degrades and calls the other person names taking their confidence away from them. It's a controlling mechanism. Shouting profanities, yelling at them that they can't do anything right and the person feels like they are walking on egg shells all the time IS mental abuse! IT IS NOT mental abuse if a couple get into a heated argument and may pass off a couple of unsavory names to each other. It is not abuse if one slams out of the house. It is not abuse if they decide not to sleep with each other because they are too angry. It's when it's on-going and never stops and is degrading to their mate that it's mental abuse. Many couples lose it and if they say they don't they are lying! As long as one does not cause bodily injury or cools off after arguing and apologizes and sits down and tries to work out the problems then this is considered a healthy relationship. Humans are simply not perfect so we have to be careful to decide what is truly physical and mental abuse. No one should EVER hit another, but name-calling often comes along with many relationships as long as it's not an every day occurance.
Answer try being in there shoes and let them know that your there for them and tell them that its hard to confess but you feel better and safer
How do you help your daughter leave an abusive relationship but she is in denial and won't listen or reach out to the domestic violence hotline or centers?
Answer everyone tried helping me when i was in that situation. denial was my biggest thing. one day i just got fed up and found the strength to leave. she prob…ally thinks one day it will all stop and go away. but the truth is it wont. just keep showing her that you care, and others as well and she come around. it took me 2 years and a child later to finally leave. keep talking to her and find out what is really going on.
Answer . Yes, more often than women or men think. Most men are brought up not to hit women and stick to that practice so when a man is hit, slapped, shoved, scratched or h…as things thrown at him or she is verbally abusive he takes it because most men feel everything is revolved around women being abused and that women are the weaker sex. Men don't realize that there are programs out there to help them and that society is becoming more aware that men can be physically or mentally abused as well as women.. Men that are abused are basically in their own private world of hell. They can't tell family, they can't talk to their male friends because most other men would wonder what is wrong with him for not 'slapping her down and controlling the situation.' The poor guy being abused can't win for losing.. I know two cases of female abuse against a male mate. My girlfriend's son is married to a young woman that is a heavy drinker and gets nasty when she does drink. One night he was in bed sound asleep and she went over and punched him square in the nose! Of course he woke up in great shock and couldn't figure out what happened to him. He staggered to the bathroom to look in the mirror at his bloody nose and she nailed him behind the knees with a golf club! He hit the floor like a rock! As soon as he could function he picked up the phone, called the police and had her taken away in handcuffs and let her stew overnight in jail. She has never hit him since, but is verbally abusive.. The other case was a man that works with my brother. This man would come to work with stitches in his face and black eyes. When asked what happened he would cover it up by saying he got into a brawl at a pub the night before rather than admit his wife beat him up. He eventually confided in my brother. Just like some women feeling they are stuck with an abusive man, this man felt he was doomed to stay with his wife and was actually a victim of her abuse! One day he came into work and announced his wife had a massive heart attack and died. Of course the coworkers were saddened to hear this (what other reaction could they show) and he smiled and said, 'I'm free at last!' Sad, but true.
I think that it is very difficult in most if not all states and court rooms. I do think that mental abuse is far worse than physical, which is recognized. Physical abuse, can …heal more quickly. Emotional, sometimes never does. To prove, you willlhave to start a journal or some type of documenattion process. You will have to write down everything that happens to you in that documentation and keep it hidden. Over time, you will hopefully have enough documentation to show a habit, or trend and the courts may look at that. Othewise, keep yourself safe, and If it's your child or a child that you are trying to keep this from happening to, just fill their heads with the right way to be through demonstration, and positivity, and will grow up and be able to leave and make their own choices one day.
There's a mulititude of reasons why it would be hard to leave an abusive relationship. In many cases it's psychological. Sometimes it's that the abused party in the relationsh…ip begins to feel like they deserve the abuse they recieve. Sometimes they reason with themselves, like..."Only one more time. I'll give them one more chance." and repeat this every time.
Who cares. They sure don't.
The kid feels insecure, threaten, kids might pee in the bed, loneliness, might were big clothes in a summers day to hide stuff! Often smells that come off an abuse kid might g…ive clues! Now the after math could be anorexia, serial killer, really insecure kid! Drug addiction and a lot of other obvious consequences
I used to ask the same question. In fact I was in an abusive relationship and asked that question about other women I knew. No one in their right mind would stay with a man or… woman they believed was abusing them. By design abuse takes away the victim's power and if a person is raised in a home that does not teach good boundaries the victim cannot effectively process what is happening. The relationship may be on high alert but after the make up she sees rainbows and butterflies. Society teaches especially women to make sacrifices as well as the fact that it is petty and destructive to a relationship to keep score. In church I even learned that Jesus was God's gift to us so that we may find forgiveness and that Jesus wants us also to be forgiving. Forgiving was a spiritual experience for many years. Also statistically if our family is broken our children will end up growing up in poverty and end up in jail. By the time it is obvious you are being abused you don't have the power to leave. In my case my ex flat out told me after being with him for twenty years I didn't have any qualities or skills. There was literally nothing special about me so why should he stay with me? He also said he knew how to treat a woman but couldn't treat me like one. By then I had already been dehumanized to the point I could not even argue with with him about the malicious statements. Your mind becomes your worst enemy because it provides you with reasons to stay. In my case, my ex-husband's abuse started by lying about things he knew would make me not want to date him in the first place. You see I actually would have made different choices had he simply been honest. Lying to us takes our freedom of choice away and we don't even know it's happened. He then used my strong sense of compassion and loving nature to convince me he was neglected and deprived by his parents. It wasn't until 15 years later I realized he had lied about many of the things that broke my heart to hear when I was only 17 years old. He even went so far as to say he had health conditions that did not exist so that I would feel bad for him if we had an argument. I was young and even though I had experienced abuse, I couldn't fathom someone lying like that. Then it was broken promises where once again the reasons made any compassionate being want to not only forgive him but apologize for being angry. Then "teasing". I got pregnant, my family disowned me so we got married then he started ignoring me when I spoke if he were listening to music or playing a video game. He said I was too sensitive and laugh at my "funny" face when I cried. My son was three days old the first time he shook him and said he was going to hit him and I had no one to turn to. There were no women's shelters in Warfordsburg PA. He said he was tired and didn't mean it. By then I believed him because I needed to believe him. I was desperate to believe him. I "handled" the finances but if there was ever any extra money he wanted to spend it on his hobbies. If I made him angry he would overdraw the account. The harder I tried the more careless he became of my feelings and if I confronted him he would tell the old stories of how he grew up once again reminding me of his unfortunate upbringing and why it should justify why we should have four VCR's and no dining room table. Hopefully this wasn't too long and drawn out. I have memories that had been suppressed for years.
This is hard to answer because many people do not bother to report the abuse to authorities, for many reasons. To give you an idea of the size of the problem, 30% of women are… murdered by their partner or ex partner. Men get killed too but The Washington City Paper had this to say: "Domestic violence kills in many ways. When it comes to male deaths by domestic violence, men are more likely to be killed as a result of attempting to murder their own partners than as a result of their partner's aggression. Men who are victims of domestic violence are almost as likely to be killed by a partner's ex than by their partners themselves." The moral is leave sooner rather than later. Someone who yells at you or hits you cannot be "fixed". Also check out the history of the person you are interested in dating.