What would you like to do?
Do not keep your abuse a secret. Secrecy is the abuser's weapon.
If all else fails, the abuser recruits friends, colleagues, mates, family members, the authorities, institutions, neighbours, the media, teachers - in short, third parties - to do his bidding. He uses them to cajole, coerce, threaten, stalk, offer, retreat, tempt, convince, harass, communicate and otherwise manipulate his target. He controls these unaware instruments exactly as he plans to control his ultimate prey. He employs the same mechanisms and devices. And he dumps his props unceremoniously when the job is done.
Another form of control by proxy is to engineer situations in which abuse is inflicted upon another person. Such carefully crafted scenarios of embarrassment and humiliation provoke social sanctions (condemnation, opprobrium, or even physical punishment) against the victim. Society, or a social group become the instruments of the abuser.
Often the abuser's proxies are unaware of their role. Expose him. Inform them. Demonstrate to them how they are being abused, misused, and plain used by the abuser.
Trap your abuser. Treat him as he treats you. Involve others. Bring it into the open. Nothing like sunshine to disinfest abuse.
Based on my book "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited"
� 2003 Lidija Rangelovska Narcissus Publications
I'm glad to know I did something right. I secretly married a guy who who made me promise to keep our marriage a secret because his daughter had emotional problems and said she could not cope with it. But when he ended up in the hospital for 4 days and didn't call me, I told her about our marriage and guess what? She was happy about it! So I couldn't figure out why he still wanted to keep us a secret. I found out he was supposedly seeing someone else and so I decided to put our wedding anniversary on cable TV! The worst part is that he told me he was only married once before us, but I found six of his divorces at the county courthouse! Once I exposed him, he immediately wanted a divorce. After I worshipped the ground he walked on for an entire year, he just threw me away. The sad thing is that he is a police officer and uses that position to manipulate women. I am suing the city for negligence because they are aware of his doings and facilitate his behavior. He falsified our marriage certificate as well. I have been telling my story all over town and the more I do, the more I hear awful things about his past. I'm so glad my friend told me about narcissism. I just learned of it today but it has helped a bunch already to help me understand that this was not my fault.
After many years, I decided to let the family know of 20 years of abuse from a sibling. They didn't believe me. They avoid me now and think i am just stirring up trouble. They are avoiding me. I am avoiding them. Peace at last.
The narcissist is already prepared and has stratedgy in place. They expect you to react to what they said or did and have an ambush waiting. Don't react. They are so confident in their ability to push buttons and get reactions, that even if you don't react, they still behave as though you did. Then they reveal the big liars that they are. After they get caught, they accuse you of setting them up. You say, "set up for what, what are you talking about, and how did I set you up?" They say, "you know" because they can't reveal it was them that was setting you up.
I do...but then again I didn't really have to. Mine is such an obvious controller that I was first warned by others before I began to speak out about the things they didn't know about. I suppose it's up to the individual whether they want to expose the N. It might be beneficial though for when things eventually get rocky.
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What happens when you reveal a narcissist's secrets such as verbal abuse physical abuse suicide attempt and infidelity?
Answer Excellent problem question. If It was you that did this exposure then what would the narcissus person do. They is perfect so why would they do? If they ar…e actually imperfect and have a temper? that may be aproblem. *I can tell you from my own experience that they react with complete denial even in the face of irrefutable evidence, indignation, counter attacking by trying to push all your buttons to make you look crazy, and by creating the most elaborate lies you have ever heard...so insane they are almost believable because surely, NO ONE could make THAT kind of stuff up. Also, if all else fails...they will claim you were the abuser and they are the helpless victim. They will drag you, your children, your friends and anyone else in your life through the legal system for years and actually get away with it due to their charm and ability to manipulate others, including judges and anyone else they encounter. If you plan on doing this, prepare yourself and circle the wagons and always stay one step ahead. You have to start looking at things the way they do, that way you can pretty much predict their next move and head him off at the pass.
Should you be cordial to a friend of your ex-narcissist if it is clear this person believes the narcissist's lies about you?
Answer I think you would be adding to your woes if you worry about this other person. If this acquaintance believes what the N is telling him/…her, then he is in the throes of the N, and is a source of Narcissistic Supply. Therefore, if you let it bother you, if you approach this person before they approach you, they will tell the N and then you will be in the vicious N circle of involvement again. Let it go. If this person actually approaches you, be truthful. Say something simple like, "I did the best I could and our relationship did not work out". Leave it at that and get on with the good things in life. Be strong. Peace, mbme just be neutral dont go out of your way to be nice. just be polite and neutral if situations necessitate contact of any kind. Dont bring his name up at all or discuss your personal life. I had a situation at work where the N was telling a coworker lies about me and basically had her hating my guts. We had our ins and outs. I just kept my distance. Then circumstances dictated i share close office quarters with her. By then he had done some things to piss her off, we learned to get along (co-worker and I) and she saw him for what he really is. All the hard feelings between the coworker and i evaporated. Now we have anew girl in the ofice with us that is frinds with him and we are working on how to handle it the best we can. IT really helps to have someone on your side that understands. If this person he turned against you has ANY common sense he/she will see the truth and come to resent him and might be your friend someday. Just give it time. C
Is it normal behavior for a narcissist's parents to go along with whatever the narcissist tells them to do?
Answer . There are many cases where the Narcissistic personality is learned from their environment and perhaps one parent or both can be Narcissistic. No matter whether o…ne is Narcissistic or not, parents will often back their children when it comes to different problems whether their children are right or wrong. Even some of my own friends with children in their late teens to their 20s will make up rediculous excuses for their child's behavior. To parents whether their child is 5 - 55 that person is still the parent's child.\n. \nUnless this person has had a diagnosis from a professional you are second-guessing they are a Narcissist and they could simply be a spoiled brat, selfish, inconsiderate, moody, self indulgent or a plain pain in the butt!
Should you tell a narcissist's victim about who he really is in an anonymous fashion even if you are worried about his rage and revenge if he discovers someone is trying to unveil him?
Answer . I have the same question!!! So many things to consider. First of all, Ns are very charming and I'm sure he/she has already brainwashed their victim. I'm guessing e…ven if you come forward the victim will probably not believe you, at least at first. The narcisist has probably prepared him/herself for the potential exposure of his/her ill deeds. I truly understand your plight, however. I think you should try to warn the person if you feel it is the right thing to do but ONLY after careful deliberation and preparation. You must do this in a way that will put in you in the least vulnerable position possible. Try to be anonymous as you've said but make sure you have a restraining order or something to back you up. Keep away from the N. Any reaction to them will stroke their deluded ego. If the N comes after you anyway, do not show fear. This will drive them crazy. If after warning the victim they still don't believe you and the narcisist has it out for you, at least you will know that you did what you felt was right. Of course this all depends on how important that feeling is for your inner resolution and closure. It is easy to say these words to you but I know how hard this decision is. I am going through the same thing and it keeps me up at night. Hence why I'm on this site at 3:30am when i have to work tomorrow.. Answer. Hopefully, the new person will think to check in with the ex (you) and then you can be honest with them. The deal is, that the next person is not you and will take in the experience at their own pace. Stepping in to inform them will just reinforce what the N says about you and your message will be lost. Take care of yourself and be there if a call for help comes.
Traits of a narcissist include not showing emotion and always seeking attention from others. Additional traits include a need to be in control and violent behavior.
People are born equal, God made us equal, narrow minds and prejudice turn people against each other. Our government was based on equality for all, and yet this free country al…lowed slavery, humans owning other humans. It was a shameful time for America.
What happens if you show yourself completely indifferent to narcissist's obvious but not explicit attempts to hurt you?
Generally they will try different tactics, a mixture of new ones & old ones, & in the future they will still try to use the same failed tactic upon you in the hope that …their relentless bullying will pay off in the end. People with NPD's will find every angle they can to get what they want, even if you show complete indifference to such behaviour, they will attempt to gain your attention/reaction via your family, friends, neighbours and just about anybody else they can. Do not hesitate to record any incidents where you are under threat, and don't be afraid to call the police if your instincts tell you that a situation is out of hand.
to demean - to lower, abase
No. You Never Know What They'll Do To Your Profile Even If You Trust Them And You Never Know When They're Gonna Do Something. I Learned That From Giving Out My PassWord To A P…erson.
The bible says that it is to be in secret with the Lord.
It is morally wrong, you can have better relationships, and most importantly lying never gets you anywhere!
What should you do when a Pastor makes a demeaning statement about you and your spouse to the congregation?
Of course, it depends on the situation, but in the Bible, Christians are told what to do when we have a conflict with someone: ". . . go and show him his fault, just between… the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over....."(Matthew 18:15-17 NIV) Take the complaint to the person who hurt you, privately. True Christians will be following Christ's example of love, so should be able to work it out.(1 John 4:11) At John 13:35 Jesus said 'By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another" (NASB), so true Christians will be identifiable by the love they show. (1 John 4:8) (Ephesians 4:25-5:2 NWT) "...... become kind to one another, tenderly compassionate, freely forgiving one another just as God also by Christ freely forgave YOU. Therefore, become imitators of God, as beloved children, and go on walking in love, just as the Christ also loved YOU and delivered himself up for YOU ..."
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go to their house wearing little things like girls socks, and see how they react. if they atart to laugh you can say it was all a joke, but if they accept it then you can tell… them
Yes you should.
In and of itself, it probably isn't. However, there are many who would likely take things that way. They may believe that they have the right to do stupid or dangerous things,… and that you butting in is being nosy, bossy, controlling, and treating them like they are stupid. Adults should have the right to take risks without strangers who are not authority figures trying to put limits on them. On the other hand, those saying such things are probably trying to be nice, and probably have the person's best interests in mind. You can argue that if someone is about to step in front of a vehicle, it would be a matter of basic human decency to grab them or shout out to them to alert them of the danger. The greater question is who has this right? Should it be all people, just authority figures and family, or nobody. So overall, this depends on the person and their own views and experiences.
It is very important to consider a couple of things. Firstly, is this a serious long term relationship? If yes, I think it would be a good thing to tell him as he should n…ot have to find out from other people and he may be able to help you cope with your problems and comfort you. It will probably benefit him too as you two will be closer and you can go to him when you have the tendency to hurt yourself again. However, if this guy has only recently become your boyfriend, then you might want to take some time to get to know each other first. If you tell him too soon, you might scare him away a little bit which is what you probably don't want. Then when the time is right you can talk to him about it and then the previous reasons apply. I hope you can figure out the best way to tell him and that you never find yourself in a situation where you would want to hurt yourself again. Stay strong, there are always people out there who will listen to you. xx