What is going on with your relationship if you're adopting your deceased brother's daughter and your boyfriend wants to be her adoptive father but doesn't want to get married after 5 years of dating?

Answer 1

First off, don't let the boyfriend adopt the child until you are legally married. Second, if he doesn't want to get married after 5 years of dating, then he is just not serious or committed to this relationship. I am guessing there is sex involved so this guy "gets free milk without buying the cow." You need a father for this child and he should be your husband too. For the sake of the child, get this guy to commit or stop having sex with him until he takes you down the aisle. After 2 weeks without sex, he will do anything! :) i told him i'd be stupid to let him adopt and that it makes no sence to want to adopt and not be married , i give up. i know that i am not the problem.life is to short to settle for less. be happy and live everyday to its fullest with the greatest appriciation for what you got. my heart is broken. i hope that i can provide everything for my daughter. It is always unfortunate when someone takes advantage of you, that is what your boyfriend did for 5 years. Don't sell yourself short next time around. You will find a person who is 10 times better, be smart for your daughter and don't let him into your bed without a wedding ring. i am still confused though because he does everything for us, he works, i handle the finances, just like a married couple, we want for nothing. after the baby got the ok from the court to stay with us i havent been back to work, the poor child went through 2 foster homes while we waited to determine the paternity.there was an issue of wheather the child was my brothers or the murderers. so anyway, i didnt want to bring her here and just throw her in daycare.i gave my part of my business to my business partner and took the role of wife and mother, only i am not his wife legally, i dont want to take the child from another father. he doesnt have to assume such great responsibility, but he does, and since he does that confuses me so much. why would he take so much responsibility and not want to be my husband legally. he has completely been by my side since the day i met him except on the issue of marriage. what gives. his excuses for not wanting to marry make no sence to me. one minute its because his parents, next its cause of the government and their taxes, then its just because he doesnt want to. why does he act like a husband if he doesnt want to be one. He sounds like he is making any excuse to not get married. Whether he really has a valid reason or not, I would personally suggest 'couples counceling.' Maybe he and you could work out these issues with a professional and you might be suprised at the outcome. I know a couple who did this and ended up getting married. It made their relationship stronger. The thing you need to ask him is what happens if you die. Lets say a few years go by and he has a strong attachment to this child, then you die. Without legally being married, he has no custodial rights to her and she would go back to the care of the state. His answer will probably be that he should adopt her now, but it would be wrong to do this. You really need that last committment step of marraige before he adopts *just in case your relationship doesn't work out and he leaves in the future. Marraige seals the deal, it is the glue and a couple is more willing to work out the bugs before considering a split. yeah i have already informed him that if i die and we are not married then the child would go back into states custody. he says that i can make a will and that will take care of it. the adoption has even been completed yet, so i cant do anything, she would go back to the system. my parents said they would take over so that is a relief, my sister too, she said she would be willing to take care of the baby. my feelings are so hurt. as soon as i get over this nasty flu i will be job hunting. i have used some of the advice that i have been given by you guys , thanks, i dont want to bring it up to him again, i dont want to come off as the desperate beggar. it makes me look weak and that i am not, just heart broken. if i would not have wasted the last 5 years with him, my brother and i would have still lived together and he would be alive. what a joke this was, he probably felt sorry for me all this time because he and my brother were friends. he probably feels like he has an obligation to the baby because he and my brother were friends. i dont know though, my mind is blown. oh well, i dont understand it though, i see all these women that dont look hot, and their husbands are and i wonder, what is wrong with me? i thought that i am pretty and i feel that i am a good person. this is the longest relationship i have ever had, usually they lasted from 9 months to a year, so i was very proud of myself for finding a person that i could actually be amazed by for that long. then after 5 years , for the 3rd time asked him about marriage. he looked like he ws disgusted in me, he looked pure evil when i expected some kind of answer. maybe he is to coward to tell me that he doesnt love me anymore. i guess i need to go over to break ups and read a little. such a shame , we both could have been doing other things with our time. he would never go for counseling, and i dont want that either, i would much rather use that money on my daughter. thanks for the advice everyone. i wonder though if this has ever happened to anyone else?