Would a narcissist tell you they loved you one day then leave you the next?

Answer 1

Yes, of course he would, why not? Such words are cheap and can have dramatic effect.

I am cynically inclined to wonder if the only thing that would discourage them from using such potent "words of power" would be believing them to be true. THAT would probably scare most of them into deep denial! After all, words are only cheap when they are empty.

By the way, you must consider the possibility that he drops these "hints" to your friends for the more direct reason of courting their approval.

Of course they would! My N-girlfriend and I were out and about for the evening and shared our "I love you's" and when she informed me that we were to meet with her parents on the weekend for dinner. I told her that I had some chores to do around my house and that I'd see how I felt when this was done. She felt that I was "dis-respecting" her and her parents, which I might add, that N's would rather you respect them, then to love them. She went into one of her pouting, stormed off kind of tantrums and then came back and told me that "we were done" and that she was moving in a week. That's all it took for the N-GF to leave. It was that fast! I was somewhat taken back, but this isn't the first time she left, but this time for good! And good riddence to her!

This is a very common narcissistic behavior cycle.

Narcissists are forever in pursuit of Narcissistic Supply. They are not aware of time, are not constrained by any behavioral consistency, "rules" of conduct or moral considerations. Signal to a narcissist that you are a willing source � and he is bound to extract his supply from you. This is a reflex. He would have reacted absolutely the same way to any other source. If what is needed to obtain supply from you is intimations of intimacy � he will employ them liberally.

Some Sources of Supply are ideal (from the narcissist's point of view): sufficiently intelligent, sufficiently gullible, submissive, reasonably (but not overly) inferior to the narcissist, in possession of a good memory (with which to regulate the flow of Narcissistic Supply), available but not imposing, not explicitly or overtly manipulative, interchangeable (not indispensable), not demanding (a fatalist to a degree), attractive (if the narcissist is somatic). In short: a Galathea-Pygmallion type.

But then, often suddenly and inexplicably, it is all over. The narcissist is cold, uninterested and remote.

ONE of the reasons is, as Groucho Marx put it, that the narcissist doesn't like to belong to a club which accepts him as a member. The narcissist devalues his Sources of Supply for the very qualities that made them such sources in the first place: their gullibility, their submissiveness, their (intellectual or physical) inferiority.

But there are many other reasons. For instance, the narcissist resents his dependence and by devaluing the object of dependence (his spouse, his employer, his colleague, his friend) he gets rid of the dissonance.

Yet another issue:

The narcissist perceives intimacy and sex as a threat to his uniqueness. Everyone needs sex and intimacy � it is the great equaliser. The narcissist resents this equality. He rebels.

Sex and intimacy are usually also connected to past unresolved conflicts with important Primary Objects (parents or caregivers). They invoke these conflicts, encourage transference and provoke the onset of an approach-avoidance cycle.

Additionally, narcissists get tired of their sources. There is no mathematical formula, which governs this. It depends on numerous variables. Usually, the relationship lasts until the narcissist "gets used" to the source and its stimulating effects wear off OR until a better Source of Supply presents itself.

My narc. partner didn't talk to me for 2 weeks...said it was over and he wanted to be "mates"and that he wasn't going to talk to me for two weeks!....then told me just last week that he loved me...infact his exact words were "i love you..but i can't stand you"

...during this same week i found out that he had been sleeping with another girl already! I had kind of guessed because he has left before..only to return within a few days...desperate for good sex!! But this was 2 weeks which for a somatic Narc is a long time without his supply!!... When i confronted him..he said yes he was sleeping with someone else. He had totally forgotten that he told me he loved me...infact he OFTEN denies saying and doing all kinds of things! He also told me not to tell the new supply that he still sees me...because it may upset her!!..ruin his chances of procuring more fresh supply more like!!!

He was genuinely surprised that i was upset and jealous of his latest victim!! He proceeded to tell me how lovely she was..but that she had a fatter arse than me...he said he preferred me physically..but loved the way she didn't answer back! (early days...methinks...give the poor girl time!!)..it is obvoius from all of this that Narcs do not feel love...as we non-narcs do!...he is so cold/calculating re swapping his supplies..it is like choosing food in a supermarket to him!

I think to him it is okay that he told me he loved me...as long as he added "but i can't stand you"...that made it a "bareable lie" somehow to him...he has NEVER told me he is in love with me...so maybe these Narcs do have some sense of "honesty" in a kind of twisted way!!!

My ex lover did just that. He took my hands, looked me in the eyes, and said " I just want to tell you that I love you so very much". Less than 12 hours later he told me that it was all over, and that he was leaving me to go back to his previous partner. He said they had been praying for me! Nothing I could say or do would move him. It was as if a switch had been turned off.

Later that day I found him calmly working in his office, despite my distress. I couldn't believe it. For me, my world was falling apart. For him, life went on as if nothing had happened.