Are there other books or websites that list myths about victims of abuse like the '10 Myths About Abusers' that Lundy Bancroft explains in his book 'Why Does He Do That'?
Thank you to you and other posters bringing Lundy Bancroft to the front lines as there are so many books out there and, I find what books are available by her a good read.
Please go to www.lundybancraft.com/pages/articles_sub/custody.htm
The above website has 10 explanations and helpful info re the abuser. That's as close as I could come to the 10 Myths About Abusers.
The books on the market are:
WHY DOES HE DO THAT? THE BATTERER AS PARENT WHEN DAD HURTS MOM
Many of Ms. Bancroft's books are hard to get and out of stock or have not had another reprint. However, if you go onto the website and put in her name, there are places you can get these books.
PLEASE NOTE: While I find Ms. Bancroft's books very good reading, I do feel she certainly must know that women need help now! The time for reading Ms. Bancroft's books is after the women is in a "safe house." Just reading her books could cause more danger if the abuser finds the book in the home, or even a website addy. Some abusive men do kill and as she tells it (they are in a rage in their own narcissistic minds) so why tempt fate is all I have to say. A person either knows they are abused mentally or physically. A good rule of thumb is for mental abuse "If that person controls your thoughts and makes you feel bad all the time, it's time to get out of there!" We don't even need to go into physical abuse because it's there and it's wrong! Each individual is different and no two batterers are alike .. they are full of surprises! They may appear the same, but there is always that little psychological twist there that makes them personally, in their own right, different.
Most of the abused women that come to the Center are so confused, lack self-confidence and fearful that they couldn't concentrate on reading a book.
I volunteer for an Abused Women's Center, and while books like Ms. Bancroft are great to read and best sellers, there is always a good old price tag attached as well as most seminars out there held re the subject. There are free book signings. Battered women NEED HELP NOW! The book reading can come later.
Battered women need to leave their environment of abuse and go to the "Abused Women's Centers" and then to "safe houses." Although the laws are changing regarding abuse against women, they are slow in coming and thank God for women like Ms. Bancroft and many more.
I attend many FREE teas where women of abuse come to speak. I am going to a tea in May for a speaker (sister) on the book she wrote "Missing Sarah."
ABOUT MISSING SARAH:
Missing Sarah is about a multi-cultural child that was adopted and brought up in an all white family. Although the family treated her as an equal and Sarah had a good life, in her own mind she felt she didn't belong and that no one really loved her. Sarah left a loving home (to the shock of her parents and siblings) and turned to the streets of Vancouver, British Columbia to enter into the world of drugs, abuse and prostitution. Sarah wrote many haunting and beautiful poems before her death. Sarah was the victim of the "Pickton Murders" aka "Pig Farm Murders." Her sister decided she had to try to find out why Sarah chose such a life and thus, the book. It's a fantastic read.
Although Sarah was never battered at home, the question is ... why did she want to go into a world of being battered, beaten, and eventually murdered? What makes certain women tick so they they turn towards abusive men and stay in abused relationships (it's just not always about fear) and we do know some women have low self-esteem and it's not always because of the environment they grew up in. I am doing research on that right now. What makes the battered woman go back to her abuser or makes her believe she really loves this guy? Many of these women are highly intelligent and some even hold down great careers. So, what's the secret here of a woman that seems to have everything going for her and lets one man control her life? These are really hard questioned to get answered because each woman is an individual in her own right and each story is quite different although they may appear to be the same on the surface.
I agree with Ms. Bancroft saying that some abusers can be quiet and even appear to be harmless. It's the quiet ones we really have to watch out for. I know from the experiences I have had with battered women, that if they reach out for help getting them into a "safe house" is more important than any book (a good read later.) We see it on the news, and read about women being murdered for reasons by the killer that just don't make sense. I never underestimate any abuser and deep down, as far as I'm concerned, if pushed hard enough, the abuser can become so enraged they could kill their victim. Accidentally or not, it still happens.
- Repressed Memory
- Repressed Memory Theraphy
ADDED BY ANOTHER USER: Please note that Lundy Bancroft is a man. I was reading above and noticed all references were made to "Ms." and "her" - see www.LundyBancroft.com
Having been abused to the point of near death via strangulation - we must all avoid these relationships if possible. However, it is very common that even the "strongest" of women will be abused at some point in her life. GET OUT!! I barely made it alive but now, I took away his "bully" power and am the winner! I don't have to live with him anymore and he loses because has to live with himself. Don't waste another precious moment - get out - no matter the struggle to do so. It's all worth it!