How can a very subtle manipulater act like nothing has happened after they have raked you over the coals?

Answer 1

Most abusive people are subtle in their luring. They can act like nothing happen because they believe nothing happened. Abusers deny any responsbility or take any accountability of hurting or destroying. I don't know what happened to you, but know this your best weapon against them is to warn others and let others know what happened to you. Even getting the law involved if need be. Secrecy is what abusive people need to keep it happening.

They act like this because to them it is "normal behavior". If you acted like that the abuser would think you were crazy. Mine does this all the time. He tells me that after he "blows off steam" he feels better..imagine that. Most abusers feel this way or in some way you provoked the behavior..you did something or said something that set them off. Ususally after I have been raked over the coals, we have a honeymoon period. He is really nice and helpful. But it doesn't last long. I just sit and wait for the other shoe to drop. In the abusers eyes, if you accept this behavior then he feels you deserved it. It is a warped game they play with themselves.

Abusers lead a Jekyll and Hyde double life. To the outside world, they are charming, personable and charismatic. This is especially true of those with narcissistic tendencies or the disorder. It is a totally different story with the abuser's partner and close family members, the abuser's sense of entitlement and need for control kicks in, and he behaves very badly. If you tried to tell someone on the outside about some of the things the abuser does, they wouldn't believe you.

My abuser could turn this behavior off and on in a flash. He could be extremely angry with me one moment, the phone would ring, he would answer it, and then he would carry on a conversation with the other party as though nothing were going on and everything was great. If I didn't get over it according to his time table (in other words - immediately) he would get angry AGAIN.

Abusers typically blame the other person for "causing" them to rage. That would explain why an abuser "acts like nothing has happened after they rake you over the coals." The abuser thinks that you are responsible when he gets angry.

I read this somewhere - "the abuser looks in the mirror, sees that his face is dirty, and wipes the mirror."