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How do you cope with walking away from a narcissistic mother in order to protect yourself?

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βˆ™ 2009-08-24 03:19:55

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Before you run away from this situation try to get your mother to see a doctor. There are many reasons she could be acting in this way and here are some of them .... Menopause (the change of life can happen from 35 on) Hormone levels will find this out. Diabetes (people who suffer from diabetes and don't know they have it can become moody and hard to get along with. Also blood tests will tell if diabetes is a factor.) Thyroid Disorders (Thyroid can either make a person lethargic or they can become hyper, hard to get along with and argumentative.) Adrenal Gland - The same as the above. Dementia/Alzheimer's - These diseases are one in the same with Dementia a milder form and can afflict people from their 40s up, but you really don't see the worst signs until they reach 55+ in most cases. Get your mother tested for this as well, but don't let her know about it. Heart disease (having a stroke or a heart operation) can make the person moody and depressed with the feeling life just isn't worth living so they can alienate those around them. Depression - Depression strikes at any age and millions of Americans and Canadians (as well as other countries) can suffer this unbeknownst to them. Many people are walking around feeling like they have no life left, no energy and are argumentative to sedate and secretive. Hormones - This one is a biggy and strikes anyone at any age. Teenagers go through it (some have worse symptoms than others) and it can lead to depression and a person that is difficult to get along with. There is treatment for this. This is also done by a blood test. I am telling you the above because you are making a very difficult decision in your life and I know you are aware of this. Give your mother every benefit of the doubt by seeing her physician and getting tested for the above. How would you feel if your mother was truly ill and didn't realize herself that she was and you ended severing a relationship that could be saved? I was caregiver to my own mother and I started to notice small signs of her changing when she was around 65. I just thought she was lonely (a widow) and tried my best to help make her life more tolerant. No matter what I did she continued to take pot shots at me and I would often come home in tears. I began to question myself "is she worth this?" I also wasn't aware at this time about Dementia/Alzheimer's and thought my mother just didn't care for me anymore. My mother and I parted company because of her constant accusations towards me (from accusing me of stealing from her, entering her condo when she wasn't home and even meddling with her insulin.) It crushed my heart to think she could possibly think these things of me. My mother and I didn't talk for 12 years and every day of my life I felt this huge void in my life, but kept putting one step in front of the other and managed to keep going. Mother's Day had to be the worst for me because I couldn't reach out and tell her how much I loved her no matter how she treated me. I made an appointment with my doctor and discussed my mother's behavior with him. Thankfully, my mom and I had the same doctor and he did several tests on her and found out she'd been suffering from Dementia. He put her on medications and I am happy to say that the last 9 months of her life we did have a much better relationship. It was bitter sweet because she was so ill, but, I knew now that it was an illness that made my mother this way and nothing I did wrong. I was at peace! I hope you will reconsider your actions until you can get your mother in to the doctor. If she refuses then you will have no alternative but to move on. I certainly can sympathize with you. If you would like to discuss this further please ask Chris Whitten for my email address and I'd be happy to give you all the information I came up with. Good luck! As a women with 2 narcissistic parents I have chosen to go NC which stands for NO CONTACT. I do believe that it may be quite essential for some daughters to go that route in order to really heal from the life long suffering that these emotional vampires can drain you of. If you know your parent is a narcissist either by proxy or if they have been officially diagnosed it really only matters to you. Many daughters and son's decide that not having contact anymore is really most healing. Either for a small amount of time of permanently Depending on your feelings, it is really important to make this decision with your feelings being the most important because we already know your mother does not care about you..that is the condition of a narcissist. So know and understand that many people have and are in the same situation as you are and as terrible as it sounds, often this is the best way to really heal and overcome the legacy of hurt and abuse that never ends. Old age only makes it worse but any abuse is unacceptable and if you are thinking about not speaking to her again, I imagine you have already thought about this. Is the pain of dealing with her worth the contact? Do you get something from this relationship that is good that you would miss? If not, then it might not hurt to go no contact, at least for a while. If you feel free and are getting well then it might not need to be permanent though after having gone back into a relationship with my mother several times, I can say that she never got better, it only got worse and though I had forgiven her and forgot the hurts, it was always like a scab being picked at when I spoke to her. Not worth it!!! Do focus on finding love in your life, love yourself and then find family in your friends or with your own children and husband...focus on people who can actually love you back and take care of yourself emotionally Once you decide to go no contact......don't go back!! They will try to make you come back..they will have a " heart attack" or a medical condition that they must see you for or make you feel guilty for...remember this is their way of bringing you back must be strong and stay focused on your journey to heal. Best of luck to you and there is a lot of resources on the internet for this kind of subject.

2009-08-24 03:19:55
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