How do you explain to your child when your husband leaves?

Answer 1

The way you explain this to your child can have lifelong effects on him, so it is crucial to explain it in a way to let him know it had nothing to do with him, and that Daddy still loves him. Children have a tendency to feel it is their fault somehow when their parents divorce, so it is vital for him to know it has nothing to do with him in any way. The things you tell him now can set the stage for the rest of his life, so it is extremely important to be honest with him, but without going into (some) detail, and without putting blame on anyone. Sit down with your child and calmly explain to him that you and Daddy won't be living together anymore. You don't have to go into details as to why Daddy left, but you will have to tell him something as to why it happened. You can tell your child that sometimes grownups have problems with each other that they can't fix, but that doesn't mean either of you is "bad." And you need to reassure him that you both still love him, and always will, and that both of you will still always be there for him. No matter what the reason is for your husband leaving, never tell your child things like "Daddy doesn't love us" or "Daddy wants to be with someone else," etc. And please, never criticize your husband to your child, or make him feel he must take sides. There may be times when you really, really want so badly to tell your child that Daddy is a jerk, or a . . . . ., etc. But you have to remember your child loves his father, and no matter how badly you and your child are hurting, it will only increase your child's pain exponentially if his father is put down in front of him. Also let your child know that he can always come to you and/or Daddy for anything he needs, or with any questions he may have, no matter what they are. And when your child does have questions as to why Daddy left, answer them as honestly as you can, but without putting blame on Daddy, and answer them age-appropriately. If your child is four years old, the answer will naturally be different than it will be for a 12 year old. You also need to realize that your child may feel insecure or "clingy" at times, which is normal for a child when their parents have separated. So when he does feel that way, just give him a lot of love, patience, compassion and reassurance. Also, make sure that everyone in your family, as well as your husband's family, know to never put you or your husband down in front of your child. Let them know that doing so will cause your innocent child a lot more pain than it will you or your husband. And, don't let anyone use your child as a "weapon" in the separation, which is emotional child abuse.