How do you get over an abusive relationship without being bad to yourself?

Answer 1

I am sorry this happened to you...Abuse is a rude awakening to what people you love are capable of doing. Whether it is physical or emotional abuse, it is a situation that leaves you feeling like the guilty one- although the abuser is the actual one At Fault. I am not a counselor, or a professional of any kind, I am simply someone who's been there. I found out that no human hands could mend my heart, surgery couldn't put it back together,and no medication on the planet could make the pain go away. I got discouraged, and thought that punishing myself perhaps would make the hurt go away. It didn't. In fact, punishing yourself is the worth thing to do! You must first face the fact that it is NOT your fault. There is not one thing you could have said or done to provoke that abuse, and it be O.K. because you deserved it. NO WAY!! You must trust me on this, I've been there- I just hope it isn't as hard for you to accept as it was for me. Abuse is a horrid situation. This situation may only last for a moment, but the memory of that moment lasts forever. With this said, I do not believe you ever "get over" an abusive relationship. Instead, you either "deal with" or give your self the illusion of "forgetting" abuse. I do hope you choose to deal with it, because this is the only way to heal. In order to begin healing, your heart must be well enough to heal. I found a band-aid that "hugged and kissed" my heart until it was well. His name is Jesus- God's son.(please don't stop reading...) Humans are not able to know more about you than what you tell them. Since there are some things, such as abuse, you can't or don't want to talk about- your friends, family, or even therapist cannot help you. But, you don't have to tell Jesus anything- he already knows. He knows every little detail about what you've been through, and he know's every tear you've cried-(and the exact reason why you cried) At first, I thought that it was God who put me through the abuse, and thought that he was punishing me. He is not, however, the bearer of evil tidings. The abuse I went through was the world, and man kind. God was waiting for me to cry out to him for help. Believe me... I have never been so glad to have done something in my entire life! I will not preach at you. I just want you to know, that God does love you. (John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only gegotten sone, that whosever believes in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life) I also know that "God is close to the broken hearted". Perhaps it won't be today that you believe in Jesus, but I do ask you to take one thing into consideration...I am a real person, and have seen for myself the healing of God. Man cannot heal your heart! You cannot treat yourself good if you don't get better. Abuse is like an illness, you must get better-or it settles in and takes over and kills you. I truly believe that I found this question tonight for a reason- please at least consider Jesus... What have you got to lose-besides your broken heart. My heart has many scars, but it is full of love again, and it is no longer cold- I didn't think that was possible after someone who said, "I love you", broke my heart, and my body- I am living proof. JESUS LOVES YOU!! What I did and still do!Le' anpetu waste! This is a beatiful day! (In the Lakota Sioux language) Always know this!I can tell you what I did, as I was 'being bad to myself'. I went for help that was offered to me by a therapist who does EMDR. EMDR is a way of releasing trauma from the brain. It is scientific. It works to move the trauma from the side of the brain that knows no time, therefore holds onto it, to the other side of the brain that is able to let it go. It is an amazing therapy and works amazingly fast. You can search EMDR on the internet and there are sites that explain about this. It will be the 'therapy of the future' as one site says. I believe this is true. There is no need for years and years of therapy to get abuse gone..... of course you will still have your work to do. I would also suggest that you surround yourself with family, friends, all your loved ones. Make sure there are people around you... that you do not totally isolate yourself. Make sure you have a support network, so if you need a hug, or someone to offer a meal, you have a place to turn. Get yourself massages, if you like them... They are wonderful medicine. Look into amino acid supplements to ease anxiety and raise seretonin levels. Enjoy your garden, the sun, a hot bath, a long walk... whatever makes you feel good! Take time each day to do something just for you! And do check about EMDR. You will be pleasantly surprised and you are worth all the good things this life has to offer.... each and every one! Many blessings!