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First decide - is my life better with this person or without? If you decide the marriage is worth saving, you are both going to have to do a lot of painful work to fix it. Saving the relationship has to be the priority in life for both of you -

I would suggest you start by getting therapy, together and apart. Discover why one cheated and why one let their partner get away with it. Why did you (as a couple) move away from each other. It might be good to do this in the security of a therapists office, away from home. With the counselor able to point out what each of you are not seeing.

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Q: How do you go about recovering from infidelity and possibly rebuild your marriage?
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Marriage therapy, also known as couples therapy or marriage counseling, can help a couple overcome infidelity, but success is not guaranteed, and it depends on several factors. Here's how marriage therapy can play a role in addressing infidelity within a relationship: Communication and Understanding: One of the main benefits of marriage therapy is that it provides a safe and structured environment for couples to communicate openly and honestly. This can help both partners understand each other's perspectives, feelings, and motivations surrounding the infidelity. Rebuilding Trust: Trust is often severely damaged by infidelity, and rebuilding it is a complex and lengthy process. A therapist can guide the couple in developing strategies and exercises to rebuild trust gradually over time. Identifying Underlying Issues: Infidelity is often a symptom of deeper issues within the relationship. A skilled therapist can help the couple identify these underlying issues and work through them. This might involve addressing unmet needs, improving communication, or resolving long-standing conflicts. Improving Communication Skills: Effective communication is essential for resolving issues and rebuilding a relationship. A therapist can teach couples better communication skills, including active listening, empathy, and conflict resolution techniques. Setting Boundaries: Marriage therapy can help couples establish new boundaries and agreements to prevent future infidelity and maintain a healthier, more respectful relationship. Emotional Support: Both partners are likely to experience a range of intense emotions in the aftermath of infidelity. A therapist can provide emotional support and guidance for managing these emotions in a constructive way. Decision-Making: In some cases, infidelity leads to the realization that the relationship is no longer viable. A therapist can help couples navigate the decision-making process about whether to continue the relationship or part ways, ensuring that the decision is made with care and consideration. However, it's important to note that the success of marriage therapy in overcoming infidelity depends on the commitment of both partners to the process and their willingness to work on the relationship. Therapy cannot erase the infidelity, but it can help couples address the issues and emotions it has brought to the surface. Selecting a skilled and experienced therapist who specializes in working with couples dealing with infidelity is crucial. Additionally, the timing of therapy matters, as it's often recommended that couples seek therapy once the initial shock and emotional intensity have subsided, but not so late that issues become deeply entrenched. Every situation is unique, and the outcomes of marriage therapy in the context of infidelity will vary. Some couples successfully rebuild their relationship, while others may ultimately decide to part ways.


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