How do you know if you are abusive or if the other person is?

Answer 1

Sounds like you have quite the fury of a relationship and if so, then it is very hard to tell in some cases who is abusing who. It's human nature that when we are cornered on a physical basis (someone threatening to hit us) some people either take it or some fight back, so it's the person attacking that is the abuser and the other person is the victim. If it's a verbal argument and one partner goes out of their way to put their mate down constantly or in front of others and the mate does nothing about it it's not your fault, but theirs. If the same occurrence happens and you fight back verbally then you have stooped to the bottom of the barrel that the verbal abuser is at. Either way when a relationship gets to the point of constant physical or verbal abuse it's time to get away from the situation. There is much help out there for both men and women of physical abuse. You can also leave and seek counseling.

Answer 2

There are no tall tell signs of an abusive man, or woman for that matter. You hear too many stories about "Oh he was so nice at first. I just don't know what happened to him."

Many abusive men and women are nice at first because that is was dating is all about. They are trying to impress the date so they act extra nice. Leave little "I love you" texts in the morning, offer to do things for you, etc. However, in all relationships, this simmers down later in the relationship. It is natural. Still no signs of an abusive significant other. As humans, we have an animal instinct to attract a mate. Once we get that mate, we stop the prancing and dancing. This is when signs can become visible.

Quick temper is something to look out for. It is not a sign that your significant other is abusive, but it is something to keep an eye on.

Breaking items is a higher threat. This shows that your significant others feels it necessary to release anger by damaging items. Again, just because your man punches a hole in the wall or your woman smashes a dish doesn't mean he or she is abusive. However, this is a very easy indicator that anger is released in destruction.

Using bad language AT you. This is abuse. It isn't physical abusive but verbal abuse. This is definitely a red flag. Once your significant other begins name calling and using foul language AT you, you know that anger is released on you. Note that "at" is capitalized here. It's one thing if your man says "Son of a b*tch" when his team loses. This doesn't mean he's abusive. It's a completely different story when he calls you that.

The last thing is physical abuse. This is shady area. If your significant other grabs your arms tightly when you are arguing, some may see this as abuse, others not. It is another red flag that says he or she will place their hands on you in ways that may injure you or to show dominance.

The key is there is no definite signs of an abusive significant other. I hate to say it, but you have to just wait and see. There are signs that should be warnings to you, but no definite answer.

Answer 3

There's two ways you can be abusive, verbally and physically. When someone is being abused verbally, it means you would be constantly saying things to put them down. Just for the sake of seeing them miserable, and to make them feel terrible about themselves. If you abuse someone physically, anything to do with putting your hands on someone who doesn't want to be touched. If you've left bruises or marks. Although not all abusers always leave marks. Basically, if you lash out constantly and end up unnecessarily hurting the ones you love, you're probably be an abuser.