How do you move on when you are still in love with your ex-spouse after six years apart?

Answer 1

Shift the kind of love you have for your ex to that you might have, say...to that you might have for a brother, and compartmentalize it to that type of relationship. And then act that way. Only when your heart is open to someone else can you fairly engage in moving on or in another relationship. You are not the first nor will you be the last to ever have to go through the feelings of "what did I do wrong, I sure messed things up" (which you probably didn't as narcissists suck the very life out of their mate) or "I will only love this one person and hope they come back if I wait around long enough." Well, I am sorry to say after 6 years this person is NOT coming back into your life and even if they did they would have someone else and simply use you. It's time you started to mature and realize you are worth more than this. You have lost 6 years of your life over this person and PLEASE don't tell me you see him/her off and on and that you accept that as love! This is not love. So, sit up and fly right. Get out with friends, go on a holiday if you must, get your head straight and start living again without this person. There are some wonderful guy/gals out there for you to meet, but you simply haven't given it a chance and it's easier to sit there day after day, year after year mourning over what could have been! What "could have been" is simply more hell from the narcissist. Stay strong and NEVER relinquish power of your inner self (selling off your soul and self respect) over a waste of skin such as this ex of yours. Get moving! I love this question! This may be the most important question of them all! First, let me say that my heart is right there with you...Next,,,part of the process has already begun in the form of the guts it took to ask this question. I hope you can find solice in this thought----It is your natural right to continue to be in love with this person; this will not harm anything; I truly hope that you can find the right tool that would help you to learn to love again- anew......BB

Answer 2

Give yourself space---don't keep feeding into your feelings for your ex by staying in regular contact, no matter if one or both of you wants to stay 'friends' or stay in touch. Be firm that you need time for yourself and ask your ex not to contact you. It's all too easy to fall into a pattern of false hopes and trying to read into your ex's every word and action as meaning he/she still has feelings for you.

Keep yourself busy and occupied--even if it means working out, joining a class or a group, or trying something new that you've always wanted to do. You don't have to hate your ex or regret your time with him, just accept that your relationship came to a crossroads and that it was better for both of you to end it and appreciate the happiness you had and the lessons you learned from each other rather than to keep clinging on to something that was no longer there.

Answer 3

I would say that the time is up for feeling sorry for yourself! I know that you have kids which makes it difficult to meet a new partner. But there are organizations - I don't know if Parents Without Partners is still around - where you can meet a man. But please don't pine over lost love. Go on with your life. == Answer==

It often takes far longer than it feels like it should take to get over a breakup. Part of it might be that you still are assessing yourself in terms of why you weren't good enough---what you did wrong with your ex. You're still viewing your life through what you believe is your ex's perspective--instead of forcing yourself to move on with the business of being yourself and doing what makes you content in the here and now. Start living your life for yourself and for your children, and stop putting your past relationship as the focal point of your worth.

There's nothing wrong with admitting you loved your ex, and that you still have some residual feelings for him. But don't dwell on a past that you can't amend; it's far too easy to remember a former relationship as more intimate, more emotionally rewarding than it really was. View your former relationship as giving you the opportunity to mature, to understand love and conflict, and to be a parent. The breakup gave you the opportunity to understand your strengths and weaknesses, what you want out of life and expect from yourself and any future partners.

You should try to have as amicable a relationship with your kids' father (as long as he isn't abusive towards them or you). And as much character-building and insight-giving as heartbreak can be, life is also meant to be lived and enjoyed as much as feasible, and there's not a person alive whose sudden, unexplained loss of feelings for you is worth years of your time wasted in a foggy depression.

Answer 4

Wipe him out of your life! Don't speak to him, look at him or think of him at all! Or speak to him about your feelings, he might be in the same situation. If you still love him after six months then that's obviously saying something! Speak to him and sort it out together, that could make you closer and you could get back together :)