How do you take contol away from the abuser safely?

Answer 1

There is absolutely no way to do this. An abuser needs to control the environment around them whenever possible because basically, they are frightened and that frightening feeling often comes out in violent ways. The abuser has grown up in an abusive environment. From all of this abuse they survive by putting up a wall and as soon as they are old enough to live on their own that wall is even stronger than ever and they won't let anyone break that wall down and that generally includes counselors of any sort. Abusers often lose jobs because of their tempers or generalized "bad attitude" towards boss' or coworkers. If they manage to keep a job, there are many things that can set them off as simple as even going home in rush hour traffic can put them in a lousy mood, simply because they can't control the outside world. Once home they know they can control their wife or children or girlfriend. Believe it or not most mental abusers hate themselves for what they do, but can't control it and have no idea why they feel this rage. Don't even try, because abusers usually will never think they are the cause of the problems, will not seek professional help, and as the years pass can get more violent. It's time for you to make some serious decisions in your relationship and consider moving on.