If the person you marry is not what you expect to be what would you do?

Answer 1

Let me start by saying tha the person you marry is NEVER who you expected him or her to be. Why? Because you can't impose ANY of your expectations on ANYONE else. You will always be wrong because an expectation is like a prison. It's the epitome of "conditional" love. An expectation says, "I'll love you if you're like this. I'll stay with you as long as you do this. I'll be good to you as long as your'e like this with me." When we get married, we agree to something called unconditional love til death do us part.

Unfortunatley, most of us see the wedding dress and the cake and forget the rest. Here's the real deal: when you get married, you choose someone to go on a grand, romantic adventure with. They're coming to the table with flaws. You're coming to the table with flaws. Over time, this person's going to bring up baggage in you that needs healing and you're going to do the same for them. The question is: as a couple, are you growing together or apart?

That decides if you're heading for a divorce or not. The couples who make marriage work don't do it because they are who each other expected them to be. Far from it! They make it work because they are willing to grow together, because they can see past each other's flaws, because they wake up every day willing to forgive each other, love each other and appreciate each other, despite all the annoying, crappy stuff.

That's what real marriage looks like. It's a lesson in how to love someone with no conditions but it's a choice, a commitment, that is made EACH AND EVERY SINGLE DAY, by BOTH people. It can't be made by one for both and it can't continue if one person is fully committed to making changes and making things work and the other person isn't. It takes two.