Is it abuse to demand an apology and an explanation as to why you were falsely reported to police as an abuser and falsely arrested if you need an apology to restore respect in the relationship?
That's not an answer that can or should be answered in a forum
such as this. You should take that question to a marriage counselor
and have the proper kind of theraputic discussion that deals with
your concern. You won't be able to repair the relationship without
professional help. Unfortunately, you may not be able to repair it
then. Yes. If an apology is not freely given, then it is not an
apology. The person is merely saying what you insist on hearing. In
any case, a self examination as to your arrest and the cause would
be worth your time. Logically, it seems that if you were arrested,
the police saw threatening behavior occurring. Often a third person
(therapist or other counselor) can shorten the time and effort
necessary to do this by asking pertinent questions. Admittedly,
most in your position would be feeling defensive, but if you go
with an open mind, on your own, perhaps you can sort it out.
Otherwise, your respect for the issue and your partner's feelings
is non-existent and the relationship is surely doomed.