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Answered 2011-09-13 03:15:11

I was engaged to a N, so in love, etc..etc... In the early stages of our relationship, I would ask him why he didn't go out with his friends, or talk about anyone, to which he replied that he HATES males, and DID NOT have "boys night" or anything like that. I shrugged, he was a very elegant man, not the bars and football type. He mentioned that he is only friends with women, and had one gay male best friend, "Adrian." I heard the way my N used to speak to Adrian on the phone, and then comment after he would hang up, saying things like, "Adrian doesn't know ANYTHING, hes such a loser..." And then all of the sudden we never heard from Adrian again.

Months later, when I met my N's mother, she made a comment to me about how harsh her son had been to his friend. She previously employed Adrian in her family business in another city, so she was aware of his character, which didn't work out for her company, but that's a story I don't know. My N never discussed Adrian with me directly.

I didn't push the issue of my N's friend with him, but I did ask his mother about him much later into the relationship, just before I ended things. She said she didn't know what her son's problem was, but perhaps that they were both highly intelligent and perhaps her son just couldn't constructively discuss issues with him. This was a huge red flag for me. I didn't care that my N had only women friends, he only saw me in his eyes.

I ended things before I realized my N was psychologically ill, because I wasn't getting the emotional support I needed from who was to become my husband. I stumbled on articles about NPD, and am so lucky to have gotten out before further emotional damage was done, but it will always stick out in my head that my N always seemed to "toss aside" people he didn't need in his life anymore. I saw him do it to Adrian, and these few torrential months after our breakup, he has just done it to me. I get it now though.

AnswerThe only lasting friendships they have are ones with people they are still extracting from, they haven't shown them their true colors yet...so...pretty much AnswerI would think that is, in general, true. Narcissists tend to not have boundaries and can send a person running for the hills with their initial need to impress (I knew one, for example, who upon hearing a potential friend liked a certain band, went out and got every CD from that hand and gave them to him - he never heard from him again). It has been my observation that narcissists hang out with other narcissists (who are shallow, like them) or people who for some reason have a very high tolerance for being used. Or have no boundaries themselves. Narcissists have very poor healthy social skills - because even remotely healthy friendships require some level of intimacy and narcissists are not capable of that. Also, friendships are reciprocal and with the narcissist, it is all me-me-me. Answer : Some thoughts here...I am really interested in seeing answers here. The way they lie, how can you know? Seems to me they might be able to have a business relationship where everything is agreed upon up front in a legalistic sort of way, but a friendship? What they call friendship is probably more likely a "user-ship" with the N being the user. Once they've got other supply lined up, you are no longer of use. So how could a "healthy" friendship ever have existed? Throwing people aside isn't friendly. AnswerN's have had past "friendships" but since they cannot relate to others on a human level- the relationship fails to grow into a healthy freindship. They trash the friends they have in favor of more on sided relationships where the other is used and exploited for the N's personal gain and nothing more.
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