What affects do divorce have on 9 and 11 year old children?

Answer 1

How divorce affects children depends on a few different factors. First, how do the parents interact? Do they contstantly fight and argue in front of the kids? Do they remain polite or even friendly? This can have a great impact on a child in either case.

Also, how the child perceives their own role in the divorce is important. Some children believe that their parents got divorced because of something they did or didn't do. This is almost never the case, and even when it is the opinion of one parent that a child is to blame - then that adult has issues to deal with because no child can cause adults to act in a way they don't want.

There are situations where kids look to break up a parent and a step-parent for example. That would be a case where kids may contribute, but even then the adults remain the responsible parties and are responsible for their own behaviors.

Age 9 to 11 are tough ages because the kids are old enough to understand much of what is going on but they don't often understand the underlying reasons. So unless parents are accessable to their children during these difficult times, the children are left to make assumptions or guess what is expected of them.

One thing that should never happen is for one, or both parents to ask a child to take sides or to spy on one parent and report back to the other. This is a terrible position to place children and it should never happen. Unfortunatley though it does happen. In those instances the kids involved may wish to confide in their grandparents how they are feeling so that they have someone to talk with about their feelings. Parents invovled in divorce are often so wrapped up in their own feelings and problems that the kids are often neglected in one way or another.

The best thing is for the parents to agree to make sure that the kids are impacted least and that each parent agrees not to involve them in the adult situations that may arise. Divorce is sad for everyone involved, but the kids are the most vulnerable and have to least amount of power so they are often victims of their parents inability to cope.

Anger is often the result when a person gets hurt emotionally. When they learn to express themselves when they are hurt, they are less likely to allow their emotions to escalate to anger. This is true of children also. Kids get hurt in the process and if they don't have a means to express their feelings then they try to hold those feelings in and they end up being expressed at the wrong time. Often when we are angry and we don't know why it is because we are experiencing the emotions that we haven't expressed yet. This is often what the adults are going through during a divorce. Expressing our emotions to those people we care about is an important part of daily life and the better we become at this the easier it becomes to settle differences and avoid problems.