What are some witty quotes?

Answer 1

"Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful. Hate Me Because I'm a b*tch!"

"Damn right, I'm good in bed... I can sleep for days!"

"Roses Are Red,
Violets are blue,
I'm a raving lunatic,
HAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!"

"Please tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes."

"The voices in my head keep debating
the lyrics to "Hotel California."

"I'd like to do a backstroke in the pools of your eyes."

"Queer Eye For You, Guy!"

Upon greeting someone: "Here I am! What are your other 2 wishes?"

"Bite Me!!"

"BE QUIET: Or I'll Beat You Like I Own You."

"Remember, when somebody says something nice to you or does something nice for you, you don't have to take that!"

"I was a student at the School Of Hard Knocks. And a Graduate of Who's There."

"If you see me getting smaller, I'm leaving."

"All We Are Saying Is Give Pizza Chance."

"Ego Trip. One-Way Ticket, please."

"Stupidly Is As Stupidly Does"

"Maybe I'm Prejudice, But There's Something Wrong When I See An Illegal Alien Driving An Uninsured Car Chatting On A Cell Phone."

"Full Frontal Nerdity"

"May The Farce Be With You"

"I speak SARCASM as a second language."

"Psychokinesis moves me."

"Dyslexics untie!"

"I have Attention Deficit ... Uh, ... Disorder"

"I'm a Peripheral Visionary!"

"Lord Of The Bling Bling"

"If you go around acting like an a**hole, sooner or later,
you will be covered in cr*p."

There we go - a lot of quotes right there :P Hope you like them!

- V'n'C!

Answer 2

1. "I refuse to admit that I'm more than 24 hours from a martini." - Noel Coward
2. "I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done." - Steven Wright
3. "I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception." - Groucho Marx

Answer 3

"Think like a man of action and act like a man of thought"

A couple quotes about wisdom are "A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool." - William Shakespeare, and "Life's Tragedy is that get old to soon and wise too late." - Benjamin Franklin.

Answer 4

A very funny quote about life is, Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about (Sam Ewing). It funny because if you have ever argued with someone knowledgeable on the subject you stand no chance.

Answer 5

I don't have prejudice; I hate everyone equally. -HL Mencken

Answer 6

- Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em - Shakespeare