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What are the options for a mother whose 4-year-old son has a stepmother who puts him through the 3rd degree every time he visits his father and endlessly asks him questions about what his mother says?
Wiki User
∙ 16y ago
You have a few options, some better than others. Probably the best option is to have a talk with the stepmother (and/or with your ex-husband) and say, in a very non-confrontational way, that your son has made some comments about some questions she has had about you. Say that you would like your son to feel comfortable visiting her and your ex-husband and offer to answer these questions for her rather than have your son as a go-between. Don't accuse her of being nosy, etc.--regardless of how you feel about her and your ex-husband, it's best for your son if you have a positive--or at least a neutral--relationship with them. You don't have to be friends, but you should be polite. After all, the fact that she's asking these questions probably means she's insecure (don't tell her that) and she's trying to find out whether she measures up to you. She might respond in one of several ways: denial ("I never ask about you," etc.); embarassment ("I'm so sorry I put him on the spot," etc.); anger ("How dare you accuse me of prying," etc.). No matter what--stay polite. If it's clear you won't be able to have a civil conversation, end the conversation by reiterating your availability to answer questions she might have and stating that it's in all of your interest, especially your son's, for you to get along. And then leave. In the best-case scenario, even if the conversation goes poorly, she'll stop grilling your son. In the worst case, she'll accuse him of spreading lies about her. That's not OK. If that happens, reassure your son that he hasn't done anything wrong by telling the truth (assuming, of course, that it is the truth). Then you need to have a conversation with just your ex-husband about the situation. Again, no accusations, no slamming the new wife: just a polite, in-the-best-interest-of-our-son conversation about how he can feel more comfortable spending time with his dad and stepmother.
Wiki User
∙ 16y ago
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