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What can you do when your family is threatening you and your boyfriend?

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2005-11-14 20:02:10
2005-11-14 20:02:10

This is a complex question and one you didn't give much info on. It depends on why your family is threatening and is it really threatening or is it concern regarding your choice of boyfriends? You have to be brutally honest with yourself and get those stars out of your eyes and look at your boyfriend. Is he a good guy and does he treat you right? If he loves you he shouldn't slap or hit you in any way, never stand you up on a date, never be disrespectful to you or your family. Is he secretive and never goes into the house to see your parents and honks outside to pick you up? A parent that cares really detests a guy that just screams up to the house, honks and never gives the girl's parents the respect of coming to the door and going inside simply to say hello. There is nothing wrong with him coming inside, waving and saying "Hi there Mr. & Mrs. Smith." It was like that in my day and nothing has changed much to this day. If I had a daughter you're darn rights I'd want to know who she was going out with and so would my husband. These are things parents don't like: A young man that speeds up to the door in his car, honks and waits outside while his girlfriend comes out to the car. Although opening the door for girlfriends these days is not quite a requirement it's nice, but if he doesn't have a smile on his face or a wave to you as you walk up to the car and has a sullen look on his face and tells you to hurry up and get in the car that doesn't sound like love to me. Parent's sometimes watch from the window! Dressed neatly. He could be in clean jeans and a T-shirt, or whatever fashion is in style (within reason) but if you are going somewhere very special he should be dressed for the occasion and if he isn't then you're in trouble! If he had any self esteem and he cared for you he wouldn't have to be told to do this. Tattoos and nose rings rarely cut it with parents, but it's the "in thing" now and if he has one or two your parents are going to have to realize this is no worse a fade than some of the ones we had in our day. I still don't get the tattoos and nose rings myself and as far as I'm concerned these kids that get those things done to their body missed the boat by 100 years and should have lived in parts of Africa where the culture did this to their bodies. This is not a new thing! Each to their own! Some of the nicest kids I know have rings somewhere on their body and it's the one in the eyebrow that makes me cringe only because I want to say "ouch!" LOL Parents love it when the young man is confident and parents know it's uncomfortable for their daughter's date to come inside because they have been through this themselves, but it's a right a parents has and it means the parent loves their daughter. Your boyfriend may be nervous, but it's a smart thing to do. He should be genuine about caring enough about you to want to meet your parents because you just never know if he could be their son-in-law one day. Parents enjoy their daughter's boyfriends joining in on a few special events in the family, so that gives your boyfriend big points. Remind your parents that you can't always judge a book by it's cover. Parents just love their kids so much and want to keep them as safe as they possibly can and sometimes they just get a little too over protective. I'd rather have parents like that than parents who never cared where I was. If you can honestly say this young man is a good person all the way around (your friends like him as well) then talk to your parents and don't yell or scream, but tell them you think they are unfair and what are their reasoning's for this. See if you can't meet them halfway. Ask them if you can ask him over for an evening so you can all sit down and talk and he can get to know them and vice-versa. Don't make it a long evening, but let them get to know each other slowly. Respect for your family and you are the issue here and I bet this guy isn't giving one ounce of respect. Many kids think they have their own little secret world and their parents know diddly about anything. I have a news flash .... most parent's do! We were kids once and drugs and alcohol were around then (although drugs weren't as prevalent as they are today.) We had peer pressure, parties, crashed parties, bad boyfriends or girlfriends, etc. We went to concerts where we nearly got trampled to death. We have heard the "F" word and much worse. We necked and sometimes we even had sex! Oh yeah! Can you imagine? We made mistakes, we always thought we were more mature than we actually were. We always thought our parents couldn't possibly understand how we felt and it seemed that especially our mothers seldom approved of the boyfriends daughters dated. Some of us snuck out to meet a boyfriend we knew our parent's didn't approve of, and some of us cheated on tests in school. Generations never really change. One thing most of us NEVER did, was talk to our parents with disrespect! WE DO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON! Any kid out there that thinks they have the corner on the market of "cool" is so out of touch with reality and think they are fooling an adult is sooooooooooooo wrong! Have that talk and take it slow and cool. Good luck Marcy

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