What does need-obligate mean?

Answer 1

The need-obligate pattern in a relationship is a set up, usually an unconscious one where one person is needy and the other is obligated. It matters not if the partners are female or male, both genders play this game. It can begin as a seemingly harmless exchange but generally blows up into a full-on relationship pattern that can include bartering sex/food/manners/personal grooming standards etc. for money/chores/gifts/sex/ ~ whatever the other person wants.

It is usually found when one person witholds something the other wants (needy) so the partner feels obligated to give something they aren't happy about giving.

This is a slippery slope into resent. Someone always ends up "getting even."

These games in relationships are generally conducted by people who have limited communication skills but advanced coersion skills. These are not healthy or successful ways to be with another person.