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My take:I wouldn't know. There is a reason why people in Al-Anon and ACOA refer to family of birth vs family of choice. As we become healthier, we realize that our own families are not save-able by us, and move on to find a support system that actually is good for us to be around.

Personally, I have not cut off all contact with my family of birth, in hopes that they may come around to a less dysfunctional way of life. But I find it extremely stressful to see them, trying to maintain my new habits in face of the battering my boundaries receive from these people who supposedly love me.

I imagine that this mythical not-codependant family would be respectful of each other, both in language and manner of speech. That they would not bad-mouth each other, bully, belittle, or ignore. They would, if there were problems, calmly state what they see as the problem, and ask for the other person's view on it. When one family member reaches a goal, be it good grades, a drivers license, a new job, or learning a new skill, the rest of the family would be happy for him/her, offer praise and congratulations, maybe even throw a party to express their joy for them. But that's just my imagination, I never lived like that.

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Q: What is a family without codependence like?
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