What legal rights do you have when you find out a child is not yours?

Answer 1

If a man learns that a child is not his biological child, the next steps depend partly on the state laws and marital status.

If a man was married to the mother of the child, and living with her at the time of conception or birth, then he is the unquestioned father of the child in nearly every state. Most states do not give a man an 'out' from child support if the child is later shown to be not his biological child.

If a man and woman were not married, and she conceives and places the man's name on the birth certificate as father, or after birth tells state agencies that he is the father, there is more room for change. If the man demands paternity testing and DNA or other tests conclusively prove the child is not his, he can petition to have his name taken off the birth certificate in most states, and can petition the family court to remove the child support order from him.

Answer 2

I can't claim to have any experience in this but I am actually at this time writing a book where a major character has to deal with the exact same thing so I decided to jot down some thoughts that I've had to consider.

I think each person's experience is going to be different and depend on a number of factors including:

1. Are you still with the mother of the child or has it already ended?

2. If it has ended, how much contact have you had with the child since then?

3. What age is the child?

4. What kind of relationship do you have with the child?

5. What are the intentions of the mother? To enable you to continue a relationship with the child if you wish? To finish any relationship that you have with the child?

6. Does the mother know the biological father of the child? Is she is contact with him? Has he expressed any desire to be a part of the child's life?

7. Do you have other children with the mother i.e. does the child have sisters/brothers (half-sisters of half brothers, if you will)?

There are probably more considerations but these are off the top of my head. I guess I'd also suggest that you need to keep the issue of the mother's infidelity (if it was) or lying about the paternity separate from the issue of the child. I'd suggest how you feel about the infidelity and/or lying should be considered when thinking about the future of the relationship with the mother and obviously trust may be a significant issue - if you decide to stay together, or even if you are undecided - it may be worth getting some marital counselling to help you decide and, then if you decide to stay together, how you can address the trust issue. Of course, this assumes that you are in a relationship which you may not be.

In terms of deciding whether you want a relationship with the child, and providing you are not with the mother (presumably if you are with the mother you will be continuing a relationship with the child as well), I guess you might like to consider:

1. What are your future plans? Do you want to remain in the same area or do you see yourself moving away?

2. Would you continue to have a relationship with the child if you meet someone else? And what would happen if you have your own biological children with someone else?

3. If you do want to continue a relationship, is it something that you can see yourself doing until the child is an adult?

4. What kind of relationship would you want? A father/child relationship? A different relationship, perhaps more like an uncle or someone that the child can turn to for advice but without a constant or necessarily regular presence?

So, that's my 2c worth. Sorry that I haven't given you something more definitive to work with. I really think though that it will depend on your own circumstances, nobody really knows how you feel about it except you.

Whatever you decide, if you are not with the mother, you may want to go to a free legal service just to check your rights and responsibilities. Have you been paying child support? Are you listed on the birth certificate as the father? You may want to check out the legal implications of this.

Finally, it is worth considering the needs of the child in this - I don't think that the child should be punished for the mistakes of his/her mother. If you decide to end the relationship with the child, try to be as compassionate as possible and think about the impact that it may have on him/her. Try to agree with the mother how much will be said about the circumstances and this will probably also depend on the maturity as well - how well the child is able to understand it. You should also try not to disparage the mother in the child's presence, regardless of how much you feel it is deserved. You will hurt the child much more than the mother.

Best of luck.