What should you do about your verbally abusive and emotionally attached extremely clingy and controlling girlfriend who has threatened suicide in the past?

Answer 1

As you know, you cannot fix her problem and live your life safely. Six months to your move date seems like eternity. You can start working toward your new life, by slowly separating your affairs. Put all of your personal papers in a safe place outside of your home (safety deposit box?). Set up a P.O. box in your name only and change your address to that for all of your bills--and insurance. If you share credit cards, remove your name from them and get your own, just in your name. Or, pay them off and close the accounts. Rent a storage unit and try to ferry your most precious belongings there as you can, so they won't be held hostage. Find a new dentist and leave your records where they are, unless there is a large issue that needs to be resolved. When you move, be sure to put codes on your utilities so that they cannot be adjusted by anyone else. She is not going to change even if you stay and since your feelings are gone, it is a toxic relationship. Sooner or later though, when you don't renew the lease, she is going to know that you are leaving. Not sure how to advise on that issue. When I left my abusive spouse, I met him for dinner to let him know the kids and I had moved and then took a ciruitous route home.

AnswerBackground:

My girlfriend and I live together. We signed a lease together in a two bedroom apartment. I still have five and a half months left until the lease expires. My girlfriend's father was verbally abusive to her when growing up. She has no self-esteem, always seems like she is competing for my attention, etc. She always asks me to drop what I'm doing to come cater to her needs. I don't mind helping out, but I can't get anything done. When upset she becomes a cursing fireball who slams doors, breaks small items and immediately finds something I gave to her as a gift and gives it back to me. A former boyfriend cheated on her from day one in a previous relationship, so she obviously has trust issues. She told me once that if she knows where I am, she feels like she can control the situation as far as me not cheating. I never have and won't ever as I have been a victim once myself. She complains that I never spend enough time with her even though we live together. From my observation, she seems to view quality time spent together from a like/dislike standpoint. Meaning, if I enjoy a tv show she also enjoys then it's ok. If I do not like a show she is watching, I will still spend time with her and suffer through it. However, if I lik the show, she thinks I would already be watching, therefore, no quality time. She hasn't told me this, but it seems to be her perception of quality time. We broke up two months ago. I wanted to mutually agree to break up as it was/is not healthy for either one of us. I urged her to seek professional help which she had done in the past ten years ago in her early teens. She refuses. Upon breaking up, she threatened to cut her wrists and drive off into a ditch to kill herself. I should have contacted her family, but I did not. Fast forward to present day. We are together, but I have been withdrawn ever since we broke up and got back together. I feel emotionally drained. I can't leave my apartment yet as I am in between jobs currently. The reason I have not ended the relationship for good is due to her behavior. She loves my dog, however, I fear for his safety and my belongings. So, when I do obtain a new job, I plan to move out unannounced, change my phone number, and either e-mail or send her a letter regarding our relationship. I have a great relationship with her family. I plan to call or send them a letter and explain my situation. Another note, she works in a dental office. I have had work done in that office. I won't go back after I break up as I will be in another city. She has access to those records and I fear she will somehow attempt to call my insurance company and request my updated info. I believe she will tell the insurance company she is sending me some pertenant info. in the mail and must have my address. I would think some kind of privacy law would be in effect, but I do not know. Any advice would be much appreciated?

ANSWER:

U R preparing properly. Once U have a job - move the hell out - and if she continues to harass U, get a restraining order. If money is short, simply talk to a policeman and they will talk to her, but make sure that he fills out a police report on her stalking U. then if she keeps it up U have a case for a court-appointed lawyer and cheap restraining order. Females are more emotional and are hard to get rid of once they go crazy. prepare, have a plan, DO NOT get her pregnant. Do not be so dependant on having someone around, u have a hand to keep u company...so use it and live on your own for a while.

ANSWER:

Mines is short and simple: just leave her. Her life is DEFINATELY not worth the abuse. God Bless.