What should you do if you adopted a boy less than a year ago and he is so out of control and nothing you have tried works and you want to send him back?

Answer 1

Answer

Talk to the DCF (or whatever it's called in your state. Go over what services are they are providing and what more can they provide to help the situation. The last thing that they want is a disrupted adoption, because that means that things will just be that much more difficult for the next placement. Push for them to give you more help.

• Is your son still in therapy? it sounds like he should be.
• Are you in family therapy together? I think you should be as well.
• Are you and your spouse involved in any post adoption support group? There are lots of these around, and they can give you new ideas of how to deal with behaviors (and give you some perspective... your situation may not be as bad as you think it is)

"giving him back" is one of the most damaging things you can do to him. It's a whole new set of traumas for him to deal with.

The reality is that you're past the honeymoon phase... he's probably testing you to make sure that you really love him. Find a way to work through this, for him and for yourself

Answer

No, you cant send him back, he is not a toy, he has probaly been through alot already, hence him being out of control, and if you send him back now he will never trust anyone ever again and probaly go through life being in care, give him a chance, if he is old enough to talk then talk to him, find out why he is like this, set rules and go through with them, be firm and dont give in and most of all i hope it works out for you and him.

Answer:

You mentioned you have tried everything. I feel bad for you in this situation. It must be very tough. I think you need to look into ANY and ALL available resources that will assist you. I suggest calling a distress line today and they can put you in the right direction. Look into support groups, financial help, daycare so you can have breaks, and take care of yourself. Dont beat yourself up for feeling this way, but take steps to improve this situation. Mothers experience panic and desperation at times regardless. But we have to deal with our children, we cannot send them back. If you feel your anger is out of control please call a distress line immediatley. They will also be able to asisit you in telling you about available help.

AnswerWith most adoptions many problems can pop up, and the adoptive parents may not know the whole history of the child. When you adopt you take this risk. This young boy could have a history of abuse or at least certainly feels he is not wanted by his parents. He has a lot on his little shoulders. I'd take him to a child counselor to get to the root of things. He won't always be like this. Try sitting down with him and asking why he's so mean and why he's so angry. You may be surprised at the answers you get. There are some great child counselors out there so that's your best bet. They'll also give you tools to help you cope with his behavior.

When I was working for this pyschologist for ADD/ADHD kids he told me of a foster parent (wonderful woman) that was fostering this young boy. He was a handful! She said that she actually detested seeing him come down the stairs in the morning and hated the fact she felt this way. She had other foster children and never had these problems and she wanted the doctor to find someone else to take this young boy. The doctor was wise enough to ask her to hang on and let him work with the child and all turned out well.