What should you do if you have been living with your fiance for two years but he says he is not sure if he wants to get married?

Answer 1

It's a big decision to make and for some people it's just not for them. You should talk to him about it, ask him why he feels he doesn't want to get married and let him know what you are keen on it. You've only been together 2 years... What's the rush? You have you're whole life together to do it.

Answer

I think that it depends on what you want in life and how set he is on the decision not to get married. First, make sure that he is set on not getting married. It involves your future as well as his so you deserve an honest response. Second, look at what you really want in life. If marriage is something that you really want, along with children and all that great stuff that goes along with it, then he might not be the best person for you. If your young and you are in love, maybe he's just getting cold feet or maybe he just needs a little more time, what's the rush?

I kept pushing off an engagement for a while by taking a long time to set a date and making excuses (and I've seen it happen with friends) chances are it's never going to happen. When people are in love and wanting to get married, they usually don't have any problem walking down the isle.

AnswerConsider yourself lucky you found this out before you were married with children. Chalk this up to a learning experience. What does not kill you makes you stronger. Here are some statistics on living together before getting married. These are from The Ladies' Home Journal March 2003. WWW.LHJ.COM 55% of couples who cohabitate marry within 5 years of moving in together. 53% of women in their first marriages lived with their spouses first. Married couples who lived together first have a 46% higher divorce rate than those who did not. AnswerTwo years is too long to be engaged. Be honest with each other, and find out why he feels the way he feels. AnswerI'm assuming you're over 22 or 23 (if not, he may just need time to grow up, which statistically will improve your chances of life-long marriage). I think it would help to answer your question if I knew that stuff, but I'll do my best :)

My first thought was: "move out and move on." But after you've invested a lot in the relationship, I guess it's worth a try to give him a few weeks first :) Seriously, this is really sad and bad news for you, but not really in the long run because it's VERY good to know things like this before you've been engaged for FOUR OR FIVE years and then find out he's got cold feet. Cold feet sounds benign, but actually I'm wondering why he isn't sure.

I would move your things out and give him a month to decide what to do, then immediately set a date if you think he's the one and that he couldn't possibly love you more. If he can't decide by then, babe, you've gotta move on. This stinks - I know. There won't be anything more painful. But you have to know that you deserve to be loved so crazily that a guy would do anything for you - and gladly dance down the aisle if it meant waking up to you every morning and having the honor of you as the mother of his children. And you have to know that he's only human, which could mean that he is just having temporary insecurities - but it could also mean that he's chicken poop to tell you that you're not the one and that's why he isn't sure. If you have your heart set on marriage and that's what you want for your life, you have the responsibility and the right to be with someone who also wants that.

I don't know this man that you're with and I realize that much of my answer is along the jist of "move on." But there are exceptions in life. The one exception is this - that your man really does want to dance down the aisle to you, he is crazy about you, he couldn't possibly be more sure about being with anyone than he is with you, and he thanks his lucky stars every morning for you. In this case, he's probably got some real concerns about your relationship (counseling has helped folks before), some passing fears about tying the knot (give him a deadline, as fears do not negate the fact that you have been engaged for two years and would like to be married), or a case of the blues (get him to a shrink).

ANSWER

first statistics are not going to help you or your finance so i advise to ignore them .

he is with you, he lives with you, he loves you enough to say yes i want to marry you, but because its not right now you are getting worried?

its not always so black and white

just because he doesn't marry you now doesn't mean he never will, like the first poster said, not everyone is like that.

there are many reasons why he may be doing this

he may simply be happy with the way things are right now or worried that your relationship will change, as happens frequently when people marry, and he maybe not wanting to do that

change is scary

maybe hes concerned that when you marry, as things change, you may come to have problems and even end up divorcing and doesn't want that

because he loves you!now, and doesn't want to be just another statistic of divorce.

the pressure to succeed from society, family etc is very high and that affects a lot of what we do as well

talk to him is the first thing to do, no decision is fair or just without that talk

do NOT put pressure on him.

pressure makes people run for the hills and or do things they regret or didnt want to do.

this will be his marriage too not just yours and are both entitled to opinions, fears, goals, wants and needs.

(yet here you are asking strangers what to do about his not doing what you want, hardly fair and certainly is not you thinking about both of you)

whatever anyone says a wedding is about BOTH parties not just the bride and people over look that far too much, he may well have his own fears about the day itself

marriage is not the be all and end all to a relationship, the relationship itself is the most important thing

there is only a small amount of options for you

accept he doesnt want to get married now and hes happy with things as they are (if he tells you this)

accept what he wants and wait for when hes ready(if he says not yet)

accept you cant have this now from him and move on from this relationship(if he says no and you still do)

find a happy medium where you both get something you want and are both happy

but the first and only thing to do now is talk to him and try not to let what society expects of you or what your or his family expects of you affect what goes on between you and him.

Answer 2

You don't want to marry someone who isn't ready for marriage. Start dating other people. You are smart not to be living w/him; don't move in w/him now either. Does he have an idea when he is interested in marriage? Does he want to be a certain age or accomplish something specific? Or is it the person? Good luck.