What should you do when the girl that you love tells you that she loves a guy who does not care if she loves him or not?

Answer 1

Your question is a very valid one and I'm sorry to see that it's in the teen dating section, because that means a few things are going on already in the psychological development of this young lady.

When a girl tells you that she is in love with another boy that does not feel the same about her, two things are important to know. First, is the other guy someone she used to date? Do they have a sexual history? Is this other boy just someone she has a crush on?

Possibility 1:

I'll tackle the easiest one first. If she has a crush on him, but they do not have a dating history, then you should not feel too insecure about her leaving you for him in the future. Girls tend to like certain things about boys (blond highlights in his hair, a dimple in his cheek, etc.).

To handle this particular situation, simply be yourself and show her how much you care for her. Listen carefully to her if she ever mentions him, so you can know what makes her adore him so much. If she never directly mentions him, maybe you can ask "What is it you like about him anyway?" CAUTION: Ask this question in a rhetorical form, as-if you really don't care what her answer is… because if she thinks you sincerely want to know, then she'll feel that you're weak. If she said, "Oh, I love his hot tattoo" and you go and get a tattoo the next week, then she'll know you are trying to imitate him and she'll presume you're a fake. If she responded that it's his tattoo that makes him so irresistible (or lovable) then a few months later, you can go for a stroll and pass a tattoo shop. Just walk in and look through the portfolios at the nice designs, but DO NOT get a tattoo without consulting your parents if you're under 18 OR because she likes them. Just show involvement in the tattoo world and that's going to be enough.

In all, just be you and involve yourself in things she likes. Women love SECURITY and it has to be your job to let her know that you are cool and smart.

Possibility 2:

If they have a history (ex-dating partners), then she may have an issue that comes from her home environment or she may have a dependency (often called: co-dependency) and this could mean self-esteem issues. Co-dependency is when she feels she cannot be without him and always yearns to be near him or with him. Even if she dates you during this phase of her life, you'll never have her real heart. You cannot say anything positive about the other boy, because it will make her like him even more. And, you cannot criticize him, because she will defend his every action (past or present).

Issues handed down by her father

This young lady may have witnessed her mother loving her father while her father mostly ignored her and continued to live like a single man (cheating, staying out late, and maybe even beating her). She saw her mother standing by his side and continuing to try, even though her father doesn't seem to care for her (or even if the father tells the mother "I don't want you"). Witnessing this type of issue can confuse a girl and make her believe that it's normal male-female relations. In this case, the good guys will always finish last with her.

Things both parents should do

Parents are responsible for molding the psyches of their children. Fathers are responsible for showing the girl how men are supposed to treat women and mothers are responsible for making their daughter understand that they should not hold onto love for boys who don't love them.

This issue you raised truly indicates a non-ideal relationship between the girl you want and her father. And, this is unfortunate, because you cannot replace her father's love and attention.