Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence
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When you have decided to leave a narcissist for good and are trying to heal why is it easier to remember the few good times as opposed to the frequent bad ones?

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Answered 2006-12-11 20:01:11

It's best to turn your back and try to not think of him/her at all. You'll remember stuff anyway and if you were hurt it might be good to remember that so that you'll avoid someone who might do that to you in the future. Most relationships start out with good intentions and there are some good memories, but either a calculated effort by an abuser, narcissist or people simply falling out of love there can be many heartaches. It's the good memories we choose to remember because at the moment the person that has been abused or their partner has fallen out of love with them or cheated on them, feels they didn't quite put 100% into the relationship and can often blame themselves for what their ex partner has done and that's because their abuser or narcissist partner has planted this seed into their victim's mind. In time, once the grieving is over the rejected person or the one that got away from their abuser will realize they did nothing wrong. I have noticed even when there is a relative that passes on that hasn't always been all that great in the family and the center of the family grapevine, that when that person passes on it's amazing how people can cry over the loss of that person they never really liked in the first place and will even make a lengthy eulogy regarding the deceased as to what a great person they were. It's because most of us were brought up to not talk ill of the dead. Grief is not reserved for the loss of a loved one or even a dear pet, but grief can hit all of us when a relationship has turned sour or a human suffers any trauma. Go with the flow, but don't sit alone too long crying over it because he/she was simply not worth the skin they were in and the chances of them changing is nil! Narcissists are ego-maniacal, selfish, controlling, and although they can love it frustrates them that they actually know their type of love is different from others, but like a runaway locomotive they simply keep going in the style they are comfortable with and want to maintain that control at all times. THEY actually fear they will become weak if they show any signs of affection and most of all they fear they simply aren't good enough for others so they appear arrogant, down their victim and they are often highly intelligent people, but haven't learned to rein it in and use that intelligence for good use. Good for you for taking this big step and I know it wasn't easy, but you just saved yourself a load of misery and you've managed to save the best years of your life for yourself and eventually will meet someone else that is not controlling and gives back what you give them. Good luck!

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