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Couch potatoes are found in both the developed and developing world. They are in season all year round, but I'm afraid they are not edible, and can't be found stocked on any supermarket shelves.
Home growing instructions
However if you want to try to grow one yourself it is fairly simple. Find an armchair, which is a good base to grow them in. Next find a relatively docile, lazy person, and plant the person firmly in the chair. Good fertilizer includes a few beers , Pizza and a TV remote. Remember to prune away the empty cans and boxes. Repeat the last two processes over and over, and in no time you will see that you have your very own couch potato! (They may be difficult to harvest, or put to any use.)
Please note.
Approach with caution, couch potatoes can become temperamental in their vegetative state, and very stubborn when trying to up root them, particularly when it's Baseball season, football season, and the Basketball playoffs.
Although dangling the TV remote control on a piece of string, has been know to get some response.
Addendum on Harvesting.
The seasonal Variety is the preferred choice. These tend to be able to harvest themselves, during their later stages they can become almost vocal, and have the ability to uproot themselves, however as stated before care should be taken when approaching. In the final cycle of the season the Couch Potato will either bloom or wilt. If it starts to wilt it is best left alone to rot till the next season, it has the same abilities as the blooming version, I.E. the ability to move, throw its fertiliser around, but the sounds emitted are low and dense. If however it goes into full bloom it will leap from its spot throwing fertilizer all round the room and can be heard to emit a high pitched keening sound similar to YEEEEEESSS!!, at this point it best to harvest straight away and ask for diamond rings, mink coats washing machines etc etc. This variety is the most desired and if cultivated correctly can give a weeks of joy. But eventually you will have to replant.
Have fun with your choice.
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∙ 12y ago
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