Why do kids always get stuck in the middle of a divorce?

Answer 1

Well, it is pretty hard for parents to avoid. After a divorce, the two parents are going to live in separate places, and so the kids are always caught in the middle when it comes to deciding who the primary caregiver is going to be... who they stay with most of the time. It is hard to divide things exactly equally, because the school year is longer than half the year, for one... and parents sometimes fight over who gets the kids for the most "important" holidays, like Christmas. It can be worse than that, of course. Some parents, unfortunately, go beyond the necessary arrangements and try to get the kids on their sides emotionally as well... some even want their kids to hate the other parent. That is understandable in one way... divorce is a HIGHLY emotional and stressful thing, for adults as well as kids, and so some of that emotion and stress can be expressed in harmful ways. As a kid, the best thing to do is let it blow over as much as possible. Things will calm down eventually, and you won't be in the middle as much. Parent understand eventually, that no matter how they feel about each other, your feelings are separate, and you have the right to love them both... or whatever other feeling. Some divorces can be a good thing for kids. If you have grown up having your parents yell at each other and felt like you were in the middle all your life... a divorce can lessen the stress that you have to go through every day. No more constant yelling or fighting. Sure, it is still stressful having to go here, go there, and having your parents ask about each other... sometimes you can feel like a spy. But, at least it isn't constant fighting. I don't know your situation, but with a lot of parents, you can tell them how you feel, and they will listen and try to change how they are putting you in the middle. ... if you think your parents, or at least one of them, is open to that sort of conversation... I would talk to them. It can take a lot of the burden off your shoulders, feeling like you are in the middle and responsible for taking sides (which you aren't).