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Why do people suggest leaving an abuser as a means of solving the problem when the reality is that in an abusive relationship the abuser will rage at the victim no matter where she lives?
Wiki User
∙ 17y ago
First off, by leaving, you are removed from immediate danger of being physically hurt, or even killed, by your abuser. You may feel you know the person who abuses you well, you may feel that he would never take a weapon to you or attempt to kill you. Unfortunately, you cannot always predict an escalation in abuse. It is true that there are cases requiring a restraining order or order or protection to keep yourself legally safe from an individual, even if you have moved. However, while the abuser may be intitially more threatening or manipulative (begging for forgiveness, promises to stop the abuse, go to counseling, etc.), he may tire or resent trying to get control over you and decide to move on to another victim, especially if there is some amount of physical distance between you and him.
Wiki User
∙ 17y ago
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It exist because the person being hurt stays in the relationship thinking the abuser will stop. Face reality this person has issues and they will not just up and change. I would advise anyone who is in an abusive relationship whether physical,emotional or verbal get out while you still can, because the abuser is not going to change magically.
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How can you make someone understand that all the coping skills and assertiveness training in the world will not work in dealing with an abuser as his attitudes need changing and not her reaction?
Unfortunately, people need to come to those kinds of conclusions themselves. Sometimes assertiveness training can help a person to see that they aren't doing anything wrong, it's just the way the other person is. People don't leave an abusive relationship until they are ready. There isn't really much an outsider can do. Outsider meaning anyone outside of the relationship. It may be really obvious to you, but not to her. We all have our own reality and it seldom matches perfectly with the reality of others.
