Why do you objectify men after the abusive relationship?

Answer 1

Because of the terrible physical/mental abuse you have taken. In order for humans to cope with any trauma our bodies go into a "safe mode" to protect us before we have to deal with the true reality of it all. It's almost a form of grieving in this case. The victim of abuse has been hurt so often they have built a stronger shell around them than they can ever know, so they objectify the person who abused them and treat them as a mere object and the abused hopes to limp through life on this point alone. You will go through many stages regarding your past abuse: You will justify the abuse you got by saying things like "Perhaps I didn't try hard enough and I deserved it." No, you did not! No one deserves to be treated in this manner. Then comes the shame of "how could I allow this to happen to me for so many months/years? I'm so embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I know inside I am a stronger person than this." Don't blame yourself so harshly as abusers are foxy as hell and are grand manipulators and most people are not any match for them. Then the feeling of isolation comes forth and the feeling that you have no self worth or any purpose in this life. But you do! This abuser has done a number on you and they are good at it and it's called, "Brainwashing!" If any of us are told enough times we are worthless and won't amount to much then we won't. After months, possibly a few years you will feel you have come full circle and have come to grips with the past abuse, but without professional help all you will do is initially limp through life and off and on either nightmares or self doubt will haunt you. Why? Because you haven't really faced those abusive months/years or why you let yourself be taken in by such a manipulator and you need to have that straightened out by a professional to get your self esteem and confidence back. Good luck Marcy