Why does an abusive boyfriend often kill himself after he's murdered his girlfriend?

Answer 1

People who are abusive to their spouse and children (this can include women) are well aware of who they are and what they have done and still can do. Abusers are like a runaway locomotive and can't control their emotions. In most cases they have been brought up in an abused family, but the odd time there is an abuser that was brought up in an healthy environment, but somewhere along the way they feel they have been duped in society or by an individual and they become angry, depressed and a wave of "not being in control of their lives" comes over them. Instead of trying to understand there is something wrong and seeking help, abusers feel vindicated by abusing those around them; especially their mates.

Abusers know they are free to be in total control of their environment at home and since society will never tolerate such behavior they can seem like "the nice guy" at work, then go home and beat his wife, girlfriend or children. He considers his wife, girlfriend or children his property and therefore feels he can abuse them without reprocussions.

The abuser can feel love, but confuses it with a kind and loving type of love with a brutal and controlled way of life. One moment the abuser can be almost normal and be loving, caring, gentle and apologetic and even buy gifts so his wife or girlfriend will forgive him and all is well ..... until the next time! This is because they are trying to control their environment and not facing reality and they want their lives perfect (perfect wife, girlfriend, children) and they never do accomplish it because simply put, there is no such thing. None of us are perfect and we all make mistakes and no, not everyone is happy 100% of their lives. In an abusers mind they blame the wife and possibly children for not maintaining the perfect family life.

As much as we detest abusers, it's a sad merry-go-round these people are on and inside they know they are not much of a man. An abuser can love (in their twisted sense) and feel great passion which can lead into stalking someone they care about, even a girlfriend. Abusers are well aware that beating someone of lesser strength than themselves is wrong, and they know ever part of an abusive personality is wrong, but they just can't seem to control it and are not likely to seek help for it. Unfortunately, murder is very high on the list of abused women. Some abusers love/hate themselves so if they murder their girlfriend, wife and in some cases children, they know they can't live with themselves. In fact, this is the key to their own type of cure .... kill the one I love so no one else can have her and I'll kill myself to be with her; she'll be mine forever! This is truly unfortunate. I help at a Women's Abuse Center and I've seen two women whose abuser made a bad attempt at slitting their throats. Was it a bad attempt? I don't think so. I think they realized what they were doing and never finished off the poor woman. Still, living with any abuser is a very high risk and slapping, hitting, kicking cursing can easily turn into murder.

The abuser is the poster child for "You always hurt the one's you love."

If this is someone you know I am very sorry this happened. It's important for abused women to know inside of themselves that their lives are not over and that there is lots of help out there. Contact Abused Women's Centers in your area, or contact your local mental health and they will help the person out.

Statistics show that well over 80% of the abused women go back to their abuser. Those of us who haven't experienced abuse find this odd, but it really isn't. The abuser has made the victim feel useless, and stripped her of all dignity and terrifying her into believing how terrible the world is out there and they can never survive without the abuser by their side. Therefore, abused women live looking over their shoulders, and wondering when and if their abuser will turn up. They generally will go back to the abuser (familiar environment) or stay in a pattern of meeting abusive men. Their self confidence is extremely low and it's up to the Transition Houses to give the psychiatric counseling and legal counsel (this will be done if one should contact the Abused Women's Center.) I know many women who have conquered their fears and are now living wonderful lives and several have remarried wonderful men and are extremely happy.

I would also like to add, when an abused woman seeks help from an Abused Women's Center the police will do everything they can to help because they see that woman means business and is trying her best to get help. If a police officer is called to a home where the wife is badly beaten she is more likely to refuse pressing charges because she is terrified and the laws aren't all that strong and in many cases the police will handcuff the abuser and throw him in jail. However, they can only keep the abuser so long without the abused pressing charges. Women's Abuse Centers and people like myself fight every inch up the ladder to government to stop this violence again women (and men in some cases) and we are winning! Laws are slowly being changed.

Please look up the "Saldana case." She was a movie actress whose boyfriend hunted her down, stabbed her over 9 times in front of a streetful of people in broad daylight. Thanks to a passing jogger taking down her abuser she lived, but it was many years before she had the courage to fight back and when she did she went all out. She has created many "safe houses" and fights for the rights of women.

Marcy