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Why does the abuser allow guilt to play a superior role when being abusive when they themselves seem to feel no guilt?
Wiki User
∙ 15y ago
They dont feel guilty because they actually believe theyre right and not only that but the power they feel they have over you is stronger than any guilt they may have had. Manipulating guilt is a powerful control mechanism. First, they don't see themselves as abusive. Second, they believe they did nothing wrong. Third, they use guilt as a form of control. Why would they feel guilty if they believe they are not? God Bless I think some abusers have such a poor grasp of how guilt actually feels and what it means (at best frequently mixing it up with shame, which can be imposed from without) that they see it as a weakness. An abuser is, at heart, a bully, bullies exploit weakness. Also remember that abusers can use a lot of violence, because they know it hurts, because it would hurt them into submission too, and that is one reason why they persist in offering violence before violence can be offered to them...
Wiki User
∙ 15y ago
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Can an emotionally abusive partner really be in love with you?
Abusers and their victims form dyad's of codependency. It takes two to tango and an equal number to sustain a long term abusive relationship. The abuser and the abused form a bond, a dynamic, and a dependence. Expressions such as "follies a deux", "shared psychosis", and the "Stockholm Syndrome" capture facets two of a myriad of this danse macabre. It often ends fatally. It is always an excruciatingly painful affair. Being a great believer in common sense and having been in the same situation for many years, I think the answer here is very obvious. Would you allow your self to be abused by someone who didn't matter to you? YES, THE ABUSED CAN AND OFTEN DOES LOVE THE ABUSER. THEY KNOW THAT HE CAN BE A GOOD PERSON. See "Stockholm Syndrome". It's not genuine love - it's a psychological yearning based on fear and control. There is no sound reason to really love an abuser - you can have compassion for them - but not the kind of love that motivates you to stay in a relationship with someone who treats you like crap.
Why does an abusive boyfriend get mad when you allow your ex-husband to get you upset?
Because he is abusive. Partner abuse is a treatable sickness, but not always curable. Staying with an abusive partner does not help them to become a better person.
Why do abuse programs say that an abuser must want to change before they can do anything when the whole point of an ABUSER program shoud be an environment that forces abusers to change?
View it as you would a person convicted of a crime and sentenced to prison. Why has the person stopped committing the particular crime? Obviously because he is forced to be in an environment that won't allow him to rob, rape or murder. It does not mean that once he is released, he won't chose to committ the crimes he did previously.An abusive person can be locked up, but will they stop being abusive once they are released? Probably not, and the abusive behavior can be worse than before, as the abuser feels increased resentment towards people he felt were "forcing" him to change. Unless a person is ready to admit they have abusive behaviors and that they are abusive towards an individual(s), they are not going to be willing to accept any kind of counseling on abuse or anger management, and they are less likely to feel guilt or regret over their abusive histories. Is counseling and therapy for abusers an ideal solution? Obviously not, as a great many abusers will never see their behavior as wrong or believe they are the ones that need treatment for it.AnswerThe point is (1) that an abuser must honestly recognize that he/she is abusing one or more other person, (2) acknowledge that it is wrong and (3) learn new patterns of behaviour. There's no quick fix - and in many cases there may be no solution at all, other than to leave them.
Are some people abusive to certain partners but then not to others?
no they well be like that fot the rest of ther life Abusive people are abusive to whomever will allow it. They are elusive and once in their realm, they start abusing...not matter who the partner is.
Should you allow your abusive ex go to jail?
Absolutely, and hopefully for a long time.
Should you leave your boyfriend if he is abusive and doesn't allow you to leave the house but you still love him?
You either leave him (get help if you need it) or prepare for a sad life of being abused because he doesn't love you and will not change. True love does not abuse but instead puts the other ahead of themselves.
Would GOD allow a wife to divorce an abusive or disrespectful husband regardless of Jewish law?
No
What kind of tissues help you move your eyes?
The superior and inferior obliques allow you to roll the eyeballs. The cornea is moved with the superior, external and internal rectus.
What kind of tissues help move your eyes?
The superior and inferior obliques allow you to roll the eyeballs. The cornea is moved with the superior, external and internal rectus.
What is the difference between a controlling partner and a verbally or emotionally abusive partner?
Abuse, whether it's verbal or physical, is all about controlling the partner. A controlling partner is an abusive partner. They may control various parts of the victims's life: *the victim's schedule, and the need to "check in" or "report" to the abuser at various times * the victim's attempts to express her disatisfaction. The abuser will attempt to control the situation by comments, "I'm not talking about this," "That's not what you said/did/felt about it," ignoring the victim, sulking, pouting, physical threats, throwing objects, etc. * the victim's feelings of responsibility. The abuser will say at some points,"You make me feel good," and at others,"You make me feel bad/hate you/want to hurt you/treat you like this." The abuser makes the person feel responsible for all his behavior. * who the victim can talk to: her friends, her family, co-workers, total strangers. The abuser tries to control what the victims says to those people as well. *the victim's finances and independence--the abuser will withhold money from the victim, give the victim an allowance, or not allow a victim to seek employment so she can have her own money. *Self esteem. Through criticisms and belittling, the abuser can diminish and control the victims's confidence in her skills, her intelligence, her body image. "You're not smart/pretty enough," "You think you're actually going to be able to do that?" "You should be glad someone like me wanted to date you,". If you're with someone who behaves in a controlling manner, the best thing you can do is end the relationship, no matter how difficult it seems.
Would an abusive man dump you just to punish you then want to get back together?
Yes. It's about control and an abuser takes all confidence away from the victim and makes the victim feel they have to count on their abuser to survive. He's playing mind games with you and these people are so mentally sick they actually enjoy the power you allow him to have by acting out in this behavior. The next time he leaves tell him not to let the door slam him on the butt on the way out. If you have to change your phone # or even move (easier said than done I know) get rid of this guy. There are Abused Women's Centers all over and they can help you get your life back together and give you the tools to stay away from this guy and also not to pick another abuser.
What if your lover boyfriend or husband doesn't allow birth control?
A man like this is an abusive, control freak and you should get rid of him!
