What is the difference between a controlling partner and a verbally or emotionally abusive partner?

Answer 1

Abuse, whether it's verbal or physical, is all about controlling the partner. A controlling partner is an abusive partner. They may control various parts of the victims's life: *the victim's schedule, and the need to "check in" or "report" to the abuser at various times * the victim's attempts to express her disatisfaction. The abuser will attempt to control the situation by comments, "I'm not talking about this," "That's not what you said/did/felt about it," ignoring the victim, sulking, pouting, physical threats, throwing objects, etc. * the victim's feelings of responsibility. The abuser will say at some points,"You make me feel good," and at others,"You make me feel bad/hate you/want to hurt you/treat you like this." The abuser makes the person feel responsible for all his behavior. * who the victim can talk to: her friends, her family, co-workers, total strangers. The abuser tries to control what the victims says to those people as well. *the victim's finances and independence--the abuser will withhold money from the victim, give the victim an allowance, or not allow a victim to seek employment so she can have her own money. *Self esteem. Through criticisms and belittling, the abuser can diminish and control the victims's confidence in her skills, her intelligence, her body image. "You're not smart/pretty enough," "You think you're actually going to be able to do that?" "You should be glad someone like me wanted to date you,". If you're with someone who behaves in a controlling manner, the best thing you can do is end the relationship, no matter how difficult it seems.