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Many men act strange when they have known someone a fairly long time, then get to live with their girlfriend and get cold feet when the word "marriage" evolves. If you consider the fact they haven't had to make much of a commitment and have their cake and eat it too then it's not hard to understand why it's so difficult for him to not want to commit. They simply grown accustomed to the habit of living together and in ways, they aren't considering your feelings and like to keep things neat and simple for themselves. Sit down with him and ask him right out what his feelings are about marriage. You are probably wanting to make plans for the wedding and he's starting to feel stressed about the marriage. A lot of people living together feel they are still free as a bird, but once you live together (only 6 months in Canada) you are considered Common-law so if you should split-up you are treated the same re divorce as if you were married. No matter how modern the times are, if the couple wants to have children it's best to get married for the sake of the children's last name and the legal rights that go with this name. I was going with my boyfriend for almost the same amount of time and he would live with me over the weekends because he lived a fair distance away. We got along so well, but, I feel if someone truly loves you and marriage was a belief of mine because of my religious views, then they shouldn't have a problem to commit to marriage if they love that person deeply and want to spend the rest of their lives with you. It's normal to get cold feet! Of course fear smucked him right between the eyes and I told him straight out, "You buy this cow or you're not getting the milk for free!" The thought of marriage was so frightening to him that we split-up for 6 months. I was broken-hearted, but I felt if he couldn't commit to loving me enough to marry me, then what else in the future wouldn't he be able to commit too. I stood fast on my decision. 6 months later he missed me so much he phoned and believe me, I didn't make it easy for him to come back into my life again. I had an engagement ring on my finger quickly and he got right into the marriage bit. I didn't want a wedding at all (been married before) but he at least wanted to be married in the Chapel of a church and I felt he had that right and I agreed. It turned out to be a beautiful ceremony with family and friends there, and then we had a big bash down at his parents home and the party was so successful we didn't want to. LOL That cold-footed boyfriend of mine has now been my husband for 34 years and he and I have never regretted that decision. Stick to your guns! Talk to him, listen well and if he has any fears then try to help him sort it out. If he just doesn't want to get married or just expects to live together with an attitude of "why ruin a beautiful thing?" then kick this guy to the curb and move on.

2006-07-04 18:33:56
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