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Why does your boyfriend act strangely when you discuss marriage even though you have known each other five years and have been living together for a year and a half?

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2006-07-04 18:33:56

Many men act strange when they have known someone a fairly long

time, then get to live with their girlfriend and get cold feet when

the word "marriage" evolves. If you consider the fact they haven't

had to make much of a commitment and have their cake and eat it too

then it's not hard to understand why it's so difficult for him to

not want to commit. They simply grown accustomed to the habit of

living together and in ways, they aren't considering your feelings

and like to keep things neat and simple for themselves. Sit down

with him and ask him right out what his feelings are about

marriage. You are probably wanting to make plans for the wedding

and he's starting to feel stressed about the marriage. A lot of

people living together feel they are still free as a bird, but once

you live together (only 6 months in Canada) you are considered

Common-law so if you should split-up you are treated the same re

divorce as if you were married. No matter how modern the times are,

if the couple wants to have children it's best to get married for

the sake of the children's last name and the legal rights that go

with this name. I was going with my boyfriend for almost the same

amount of time and he would live with me over the weekends because

he lived a fair distance away. We got along so well, but, I feel if

someone truly loves you and marriage was a belief of mine because

of my religious views, then they shouldn't have a problem to commit

to marriage if they love that person deeply and want to spend the

rest of their lives with you. It's normal to get cold feet! Of

course fear smucked him right between the eyes and I told him

straight out, "You buy this cow or you're not getting the milk for

free!" The thought of marriage was so frightening to him that we

split-up for 6 months. I was broken-hearted, but I felt if he

couldn't commit to loving me enough to marry me, then what else in

the future wouldn't he be able to commit too. I stood fast on my

decision. 6 months later he missed me so much he phoned and believe

me, I didn't make it easy for him to come back into my life again.

I had an engagement ring on my finger quickly and he got right into

the marriage bit. I didn't want a wedding at all (been married

before) but he at least wanted to be married in the Chapel of a

church and I felt he had that right and I agreed. It turned out to

be a beautiful ceremony with family and friends there, and then we

had a big bash down at his parents home and the party was so

successful we didn't want to. LOL That cold-footed boyfriend of

mine has now been my husband for 34 years and he and I have never

regretted that decision. Stick to your guns! Talk to him, listen

well and if he has any fears then try to help him sort it out. If

he just doesn't want to get married or just expects to live

together with an attitude of "why ruin a beautiful thing?" then

kick this guy to the curb and move on.

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