Why dont narcissist like criticism and they react with rage when you do it what do you have to tell them to make them mad?

Answer 1

narcissist is a word that is often thrown around these days and the truth is that several people can be narcissistic because they grew up with messages such as "You don't have any right to feel that way" or "You don't measure up". The criticism is a threat to some people's false identity that they believe is true. These identities can look like the prideful athlete who has awards and new clothes or the religious man who thinks he is better than everyone else because he is "godly" in his own eyes. Criticism in unhealthy ways that send further messages of shame and "You are not good enough" can be accepted as "normal" by a person with a narcissistic characteristic. Criticism of healthy "matter of fact" words that could be meant out of care and concern can totally be reacted by the narcissistic person with out of control rage or condemnation. This person often is already angry because there is pain and unresolved hurts of the past, so since this person doesn't deal with his own crap he expects you to swallow it up. If you come in with healthy criticism you threaten this false identity with truth and the person will try very hard in sometimes creative ways to manipulate you into believing you have no worth and that this person is better than you. I would be very aware that the majority of people in this world have these kinds of characteristics and do not resolve them.

Unfortunately when someone is carrying around so much anger and pain it is easy to be the receiver of abusive reactions. The reason people act this way is because they were taught not to feel their own feelings or to be loved for who they were so they treat others that way.

The best way to confront someone is with grace and truth. You can say "Hey I get that you are not comfortable with the decision I made. I want to be there for you, and I want you to understand that I am on your side. I don't want to sound confrontational, but I felt _____ (pressure, misunderstood, rejected, shamed) when you said _____ or did ______. Can you find a better way to say or do that?" You may or may not get a good response in return and if they continually after a few tries do not respect you then just say "Hey it doesnt sound like this is a two way conversation. Your saying that we cant have a disagreement unless I agree to your manipulation."

You can transform your entire life if you start learning boundaries. www.cloudtownsend.com is a great source where you can buy the book "boundaries" at their online shop to know the best way to deal with these kinds of situations. Good luck!