Why would a borderline personality disorder ex girlfriend hang on to your clothes even though you asked for them back?

Answer 1

Absolutely...and if she is truly a borderline, she has made threats of, or acted on, harming herself. Your question is very specific just to the matter of your clothing...but it extends well beyond that level of control...she can't stand the thought of anyone having anything of yours and would have been extremely possessive, manipulative, and accusatory regarding any relationships you had, or she imagined you to have with anyone else. BPD people are some of the most unhappy, "lost" people emotionally, because their pathology is based on a never ending, deeply rooted fear of abandonment! The ironic truth being, they end up abandoned time and time again, as the controlling actions and mood swings that express their fear and pain succeed in pushing people away, reinforcing their sense of worthlessness and reinforcing their anger and rage. They often are passive-aggressive in expressing anger. Keeping your articles of clothing is a very good example of displaying her childlike need to get your attention, and all the better if it "bothers" you, because there is a chance you will continue to interact with her...perhaps trying to get your clothes back...which keeps her in your life. She may tell you she hates you, and act in some punishing manner....but even if you were an abusive partner, she is really saying she loves you...I hope she is seeing a competent therapist, because she needs one so badly. Unless you need one too, you'll forget the clothes, ignore the calls, set a strong boundary that leaves no room for interpretation that you "might" be there for her. This is not treating her poorly, this is being consistent (something she probably never experienced growing up) and actually in a "tough love" sort of way, is allowing her to see, feel, and learn how to cope with life (hopefully in healthy ways, which is where a good therapist comes in). Good luck.