What tricks does an abuser use to make sure you stay instead of leave?

Answer 1

None. No "tricks" can make you stay or leave. Staying in a relationship or bandoning is entirely and solely a decision you make and for which you are 100% responsible.

AnswerAn abuser will say anything to make you stay. He will make all sorts of promises and and tell you exactly what you want to hear, whether it's apologies, promises of counselling etc. He will not change. I have been with an abuser for three years and can't get out. He is a compulsive liar, verbally abusive and violent. This morning he hit me so hard my ear is still ringing. We were fighting because I confronted him with another of his lies. He is wonderful 90% of the time but that 10% oh my god, it's awful. Do yourself a favour and get out now before you get stuck like me...Please do this for yourself. AnswerAbusers have all sorts of tricks to try and get you to stay. The odd thing is their so called control tactics end up pushing the person away, where you eventually just lose intrest in them, however they try very hard. They will: -stal your money or leave you flat broke so you have nowhere to live and cant feed your family -take the phone with them when they leave the house -destroy your clothes and/pr personal belonginings, inclusding passports, drivers license -drain ban accounts -make your care not start -pyshically restrain you -keep you up all night so your too tired to think of what to do or make any plans to leave, your strictly in survival mode -drive away friends and your family -move to an isolated location such as the country -try to get you fired or fail school -spread rumours about you -stalk, harrass, casually show up when you least expect it to try and catch you off guard so they can determine if you want them back AnswerStalkers and the Borderline Personality

The Borderline Personality

In recent years psychologists have learned about and done case studies on a new personality disorder which the DSM-III-R classifies as an Axis II disorder- the Borderline Personality . This classification includes such personality disorders as the Anti-social Personality, the Histrionic Personality and the Narcissistic Personality. Several psychologists (including myself) diagonosed my stalker as afflicted with the Borderline Personality. Characteristic of the Borderline (derived from research done by Kreisman & Straus, 1989) are:

a shaky sense of identity

sudden, violent outbursts

oversensitivity to real or imagined rejection

brief, turbulent love affairs

frequent periods of intense depression

eating disorders, drug abuse, and other self-destructive tendencies

an irrational fear of abandonment and an inability to be alone

Not much research has been done on the Borderline Personality, and for many years it was difficult to diagnose- and to treat. A Borderline often feels as though his/her life is marked with a distinctive emptiness; a void in which a relationship often acts to fill. Many times the Borderline is a victim of an early dysfunctional family situation and/or emotional/physical abuse by those he/she trusted early on in childhood.

The Borderline is psychotic , in the original, psychological meaning of the term: he/she is not in control and not in touch with reality. To the Borderline, a softly spoken word of advice can be construed as a threat on his/her emotional stability. An outsider's viewpoint that the Borderline is not in touch with reality often ends in a bitter and irrational dissassociation from the outsider on the part of the Borderline. Often, the Borderline ends up very much alone and victim to his/her disillusions.

The Borderline stalker is very apt to see his/her actions as perfectly justified; he/she has paranoid disillusions which support these-often with disturbing frequency. The Borderline often has brief love affairs which end abruptly, turbulently and leave the Borderline with enhanced feelings of self-hatred, self-doubt and a fear that is not often experienced by rational people. When the Borderline's relationships turn sour, the Borderline often begins to, at first, harass the estranged partner with unnecessary apologies and/or apologetic behavior (i.e. letters of apology 'from the heart', flowers delivered at one's place of employment, early morning weeping phonecalls, etc.). However, the Borderline does not construe his/her behavior as harassment- to the Borderline he/she is being 'responsible' for his/her past behaviors.

The next phase of the Borderline Personality develops relatively quickly and soon he/she feels suddenly betrayed, hurt, etc. and seeks to victimize the estranged partner in any way he/she can Strangely enough, this deleterious behavior is always coupled with a need to be near or in constant contact with the estranged partner . While sending threats to the estranged partner, it is very common for the Borderline to begin to stalk his/her estranged partner in an effort to maintain contact. This effort is motivated by the excruciating fear that the Borderline will end up alone and anger that [the estranged partner] has put him/her in this position. We are finding, in many cases, that a great deal of stalking behavior is associated with Borderline or related personality disorders. Earlier research did not incorporate the Borderline Personality in stalking profiles; research now is beginning to focus on the Borderline in such disorders as Erotomania, etc.

AnswerThey willl do whatever it takes to keep you off balance. Here are a few of the many they will try: silent treatment, turning very nice, taking an intrest in your life, showing up where you are by "coincidence", spreading rumours, making you jealous, stating things to keep you off balance such as they would like to move away, talking in hints that maybe they have a girlfirend. These methodsa are an attempt to keep you under their thumb.