Why wouldn't a man after 20 years of marriage not want to take you anywhere even the grocery store but he always wants to take your 13-year-old son and his reasoning is he wants to be by himself?

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Answer

The last time I checked by yourself...means by yourself. I would say to find things you like to do and do it. I have told friends that if you don't like who you are or what is going on...change it!!!! If he won't take you anywhere not even the store...then change it. Go do something for you..have you wanted to lose weight, or change your look, take up something you have always wanted to do???? Then do it. look sometimes in a relationship that is so many years together you can become set in your ways. I would say ask if being together is what you want...if it's yes then move forward with it. Maybe talk to him and ask why??? If you have and the answer is the same...then tell him, your moving on as he seems to have. My take is when he sees you looking different acting different then he will want to know why the change And may ask if there is someone else???? Tell him if he wants it to work, then step up if not you will find things that makes you feel wanted and needed. If he keeps up in the old ways then you need to maybe talk about not being together. Listen, after 20 years together it's okay to have your own space, but if that means not doing anythng together, going even to a store together then something else is going on. I feel for you because I know someone who has been through this and I won't say what was really going on, but maybe the two of you just need to do things together more by making it a point to find things to do...dancing, cooking classes whatever the case maybe. I hope you find out what you need to.

I know a man that has been married for 20 years, and only takes his 13 year old son with him for company. He is a friend of mine and I know why this is. He told me that although he no longer loves his wife at all and hasn't for some time, that he cannot bring himself to divorce her. He worries for his children, his assets, his debt and he likes the "nuturing" feeling his wife being home gives him. She has gained alot of weight and turned physically "ugly" when he was at war some years ago. He gets nauseous to be physical with her but continued having a couple of kids to keep her occupied and to see if that would make him feel differently. He is actually a very sensitive man and can't bear the thought of hurting anyones feelings even if it means that he suffer and sacrifice his entire existance. He also has some kind of temple connection to his dead parents and to her? They are mormen and I don't quite get it but it is a strange situation. He has had a couple of affairs and talks to a couple of women through email and the phone but as he gets older he seems to be losing the ambition to find anything else. He will die a sad, lonely, and regretful life as will she. I don't know if your situation is nearly the same or not. ANother situation could be that he is gay and doing "guy" stuff (hiking, hunting, fishing, whatever...) makes him feel better knowing he can give his son some type of masculine contribution to his development. If he is in the closet, many guys go through that. My brother did. Good luck