You ended your relationship with a narcisist recently however you have had no contact is it possible you were going to be replaced anyway and that's why he has left you alone?

Answer 1

My lovely 'narcissist' had an extremely annoying habit of not apologizing or contacting me whenever there was any disagreement or arguement. Because of his behavior, I would opt to leave but he would try to 'block me' (pushing his puffed up chest against me like a gorilla). My leaving was also accompanied by angry rage, shouts of 'I don't care about your feelings', 'you've already been replaced', I'm going to see ____ (so and so - fill in the blank: an old girfriend he slept with whose back in his circle of friends - newly divorced - of course, she was married with a small child when they got it on before in their 20's, etc.).

There never was a halfway-sane or humane disagreement: It always had to turn into a nasty event with him mouthing off (and leaving me increasingly dissatistifed and doubtful of our future). But, for reasons I couldn't explain, I always returned: I was so bothered my no contact and had such withdrawl (wanting to again be 'validated' by him, needy...) that I called. He was almost always 'nice' and 'giving' when I called him back. This usually lead to , 'well, I'll call you tomorrow?' 'Let's start slow again' 'I miss you', etc. I've recently figured out this is a 'trauma/betrayal bond' from my past revisiting me: I was trying to get it right with my parents this time around: Playing the 'martyr' and being as absolutely understanding as possible, thinking this time I could 'get it right'. Well, being nice to him only caused him to lose respect for me and treat me like dirt! But, I'm not the type to play his charades anyway. He'll have to get someone else for that!

He always insisted he was monogamous, but his constant jealousy of me (totally unfounded) and his references to sleeping with various women whenever he didn't like anything I said or brought up, makes me really wonder if he wasn't doing things on the side. Perhaps sexual, perhaps not. He LOVED to tease women: At first, we had an amazing chemistry - then, he began to withdraw and become very dissinterested in any kind of sexual or romantic contact. We discussed it, scheduled 'special times' (which he ALWAYS seemed to destroy with an outburst!). Eventually, I got sick and tired of it. He claimed to his AA group that we were 'married' as a front and I'm sure was superficially friendly to women he know had interest, only to constantly tease them with his 'I'm married....' BS. And, he liked to let ME know that so and so said this or expressed this or that kind of interest. He even stated that an aide for an elderly customer he worked in the building of would prefer me 'dead' (of course - JOKINGLY. I SHOULDN'T TAKE THINGS SO LITERALLY - HE WAS JOKING!!! lol) because she has serious, long term yearning for him. What a prick. No other word fits him quite abptly...

I love to dance: He didn't want me dancing with 'any other man' or even with him (he 'hates crowds' and the 'loud music'). He tried to bully me (and make me feel guilty) about going to a beautiful, outdoor Swing Night with my alumni group one night in July. I got sick of his old routine and simply, calmly stated 'I can't dance with you or without you. I'm not going to listen to this anymore. Goodbye'. And hung up. He called back twice (almost surely loud, angry messages threatening infidelity, etc.) and I just deleted the voicemails. I didn't contact him and he made no effort to contact me - all summer long (three months).

So, if he's leaving you alone - He most likely has other 'sources' (perhaps the always-there secondaries - like my ex's old girlfriends that he felt so 'sorry for' because they were both bipolar and on meds...). He knew when I started questioning and asking where the relationship was taking us. He knew the moment I would not tolerate the crap he kept dishing and would not (like 'everyone else he knows' supposedly) accept a simple 'I'm sorry' (didn't happen all the time anyway) and shrug my shoulders because 'I know that's just how he is'. DON'T CONTACT HIM - Keep working on YOURSELF. FIND OUT THE REASONS YOU ARE JEALOUS (i WAS DEEPLY AFRAID OF ABANDONMENT - that 'terror bond' that he used so skillfully kept me returning!!!! and work through them so you NEVER get yourself into this kind of situation again!!!!!! hugs - me (I'm a Survivor! )