You love your wife but cannot stand her how do you deal with her?

Answer 1

COMMUNICATION. The simple answer is: communicate your feelings with her and work out together ways of ameliorating your relationship. However, this fully relies on your ability to communicate with each other and each persons will to work for the benefit of the relationship. The worst thing you can do is not let her know how you feel. Although, letting her know the wrong way is just as bad. What I mean is to avoid accusing or using the moment to expell your anger towards her. Although it's natural to feel the frustrations when talking about them, the key is to stay calm and stay focused on your goal: you want to make things better, not worse. It is appropriate to manifest anger or disapproval at the moment things are happening - bottling up emotions and expelling them later when the person is off-guard however, is inapropriate. It's the nuance between getting into a fight on something that is happening and creating a fight on something that happened in the past. The simple reason is that you don't want her to go into "defense mode", because that would most likely end up in misunderstandings and potentially discouragement. That being said, depending on how strong your frustrations are and your own personality, it could be hard to express your feelings verbally in a calm and comprehensive way. You could try writing a letter or you could make an audio and/or video where you address your concerns. That way, you can review your own words and make sure you're being clear. Here are some tips on how to resolve a problem: - Start by stating your purpose: you want to preserve your relationship/make things better, etc. - Reassure her: you still love her, you're just trying to make things right - Identify the problem: what is it exactly you can't stand about her? State one or few examples. Emphasize on how it makes you FEEL. Try NOT to use generalizing terms: "you ALWAYS do this" "you NEVER do that", etc. - Give some suggestions on how YOU can help to resolve the problem: *this part is very important, you need to recognize that you are BOTH in this relationship, and you're willing to invest yourself into making it work. * - Give some suggestions on how SHE can help resolve the problem: what can she do, or say in that situation. - Open the discussion: what does she think now that you've expressed yourself? How does she feel? - Decide on a solution: determine what each person has to do. - Monitor and evaluate the solution: It's good to come back to the issue later to either find new solutions or congratulate each other for overcoming the problem together. Obviously, these are just tips, each couple communicates in their own way. Keep in mind that love is journey, and where there is a will, there is a way. - Jane Pear