Are abusive men so manipulative by playing games such as being nice one moment and mean the next because they see you as only prey and not as a person with feelings?

Answer 1

Abusive men are about control and they actually seek out what they consider weak or controllable women which are women who are usually shy and loving (nothing wrong with this) as their victim. They actually don't look on the woman as their victim and as sick as it is they truly do love her (at least for the moment.) They are so into blaming those around them for the way their lives have turned out that they can't have a normal relationship. Life is hard on all of us, so, instead of realizing that and that he's not the only one he will blame everyone but himself for the disappointments in his life. Abusive men may grow up in an abusive family, or, they may have been used by other women while dating, or, they could have simply lost a job or promotion because of their miserable personality and instead of trying to rectify this they will usually blame others for their problems. Abusive men seldom try to find psychiatric help and they feel it's their mates fault for being so stupid, uneducated, a lousy wife, mother, girlfriend, cook, and on and on it goes and no one knows where it will stop (especially the victim.) Abusive men are actually torn between being abusive and really loving their mate. They actually can hate themselves for abusing their wife or girlfriend, yet can't seem to stop and are simply loose cannons. Because they don't seek help they go through actual torture. They can abuse their mate so badly that they fear they will be found out and thus, he puts the fear of the devil in his victim to shut her up. That goes for children as well. He knows what he is doing is wrong! If you are thinking along the lines that if you are supportive, understanding and loving that you can talk him into getting help guess again! It never works! When I was up North in Canada, I helped a girlfriend of mine that was physically abused. I got her a plane ticket, money, some of my clothes and sent her to Vancouver where she found a job and an apartment and lived there with her dog. Her husband (I was in a construction camp) came to my trailer door enraged and demanded to know where his wife was and knew I knew where she was. I knew it was him, so stood my ground at that door, with rolling pin in hand and a look on my face that would have turned Jack the Ripper into stone. I wasn't afraid of him one bit and he knew it. Why? Because he could push my girlfriend around, but he didn't know how far he could go with me. I told him I wasn't his girlfriend and if he took one step closer he's wear that rolling pin where the sun didn't shine! LOL He left, slumped over and defeated! He hated the fact she had gotten away even though he thought he had total control over her. I told you this story to prove a point. If a woman is independent (you can be poor, rich, of any race or culture and be independent) abusive men will not pick on you. In the first paragraph of any conversation they have with an independent woman they will know immediately they can't make a victim of her. Don't feel bad and think you are weak, you were probably just loving, kind and were blind-sided. There are good Abused Women's Centers out there that will take abused women in, protect them and offer good programs to teach them tools so they will not go back to their abuser or choose another abusive partner. They will also assist on helping the abused person finding a job so she can be more self sufficient and gain her dignity and independence back. There are other abused women in this program and some of them make fast friends with each other, so women now don't truly feel so alone and ashamed of their circumstances. No longer is abuse accepted in our society. It's against the law! Even men can be abused by and outraged mate and the same laws apply to her. You are stronger than you think! No one can have control over you unless you let them! If you need to run from your abuser then run to your local Abused Women's Center or Mental Health. Good luck hon Marcy