Where would vampires live in Australia?

Answer 1

Y'know, I've been a professional vampire for more than 300 years and I've seen so many changes, but life just isn't that great for the undead anymore. I moved to Australia when global warming caused tremendous devastation to my beloved home in Romania. I live in Melbourne now because I enjoy the fickle weather and the occasional latte on Lygon Street with my Mocha swilling compradres, but the prices! Just this morning I had to go to the supermarket. I know what you're thinking... why on Earth would a vampire need to go to the supermarket? What, you think my dog is a vampire too? Nah. Trixie is just a normal puppy, so I need to buy dog food. So off to the Safeway I go. Safeway! They changed the name to Woolworths now and I get all confused. C'mon, I'm old! Leave the Safeway alone. I have to use the tram to get there. The tram I said! In the old days I would have just changed myself into a bat and flown to the supermarket, but these days the skies are so crowded, full of planes and why would I want to go splat on a 747 landing at Tullamarine? I can't even get my driving license. What would they say when they looked at my birth certificate and saw I was born in 1710? They'd say, hang on a sec, that chick is a vampire! Stake her! So by tram I travel. I can't even get the seniors transport concession card for the same reason. It costs me $3.80 to go the Safeway! Then, I get to the supermarket and I can't even enter, because just as my reflection doesn't show up in a mirror, neither does it register on the infra-red camera thingy that opens the automatic door, so I have to stand there, looking pathetic, until someone else enters and sneak in behind them. And what sight am I greeted with, right by the doors as I enter? The vegetable section. Row upon row of GARLIC. I'm allergic to garlic! It gives me hives and I sneeze all over the place. Then there are mirrors everywhere, and all the shoppers notice that I have no reflection and they start throwing garlic at me! It's so humiliating.

Perhaps I should move to New Zealand.