Why do people with intrusive thoughts and memories have to struggle with them in silence?

Answer 1

They suffer in silence because they feel others judge them or don't understand. When they do speak to others on the topic, here is what others tend to do:

1. Some dismiss the seriousness of the problem or tell you to snap out of it, when it is a deep, life-long, pervasive problem. They say, "Oh, everyone has bad days." Then they discuss something trivial that they think is related.

2. Some resort to victim-blaming. They accuse the sufferer of causing the thoughts or choosing them. They accuse the sufferer of not taking responsibility for their lives. They accuse them of being lazy and thus having the time to have these thoughts. That fails to account for the fact that the emotions are so strong that they make working very difficult, if not impossible. They accuse the sufferer of not letting go, as if that is their choice. Many times, the person tries hard to let go and nothing changes.

3. Others won't let the person discuss the intrusive thoughts. A lot of times, discussing emotions helps resolve them. Some emotional problems are caused by a lack of inner power, and talking about such things gives the victim power to move beyond them. But others may feel threatened by this. They feel the other person may knock them off of balance, perhaps because they have insecurity issues themselves. Or they feel, often wrongly, that talking about things makes them worse. This issue seems to correlate with gender and deeply held political views.

4. They suggest their own pet cures that don't work, when they have never suffered to the same extent. They tell you to just let them go. They tell you to get a job, take up exercise, watch television, or have some chocolate, when none of those can possibly change long-term, emotional trauma that affects you at the core level. Their advice is like telling someone to put a bandage on cancer.

If you can find a good friend to discuss things with, the above things won't be issues. A good friend won't judge you, accuse you, dismiss what you say, trivialize your problems, nor try to block you from discussing them or working through them. However, finding such friends can be difficult, and often, your only option is to hire professionals. It is bad when you have to pay someone to treat you as a good friend would, so you can get to the bottom of things yourself and heal. Of course, good therapy is more than that, and a therapist can refer you to a psychiatrist if necessary in case there is medication that can help.

Answer 2

People with intrusive thoughts and memories may struggle in silence due to feelings of shame, fear of judgment, or not wanting to burden others. They may also worry about being misunderstood or stigmatized for their experiences, leading them to keep their struggles private. Seeking therapy or support groups can provide a safe space to talk about these thoughts and memories with trained professionals or others who may have similar experiences.